HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS WHO CELEBRATE THE LUNAR NEW YEAR: I wish a happy, healthy new year to all of you who celebrate this holiday. The Year of the Pig begins today. People born in the Year of the Pig are warmhearted, loyal, honest and gentle. (They can also be naive, gullible, sluggish and short-tempered.) On the upside, they seem to be blessed with intelligence and creativity. Notable individuals born in the Year of the Pig include Stephen King, Julie Andrews, Duke Ellington, Lucille Ball, Magic Johnson, Ernest Hemingway and Elton John.
Promising Relationship Fades With Man's Missing Smile
DEAR ABBY: I need your advice. I'm a 66-year-old woman who has been single most of my life. I am semi-retired and don't look or act my age.
I recently met the man of my dreams on a dating app. We are the same age, and the attraction is mutual. However, there's one thing I'm having trouble with. He lives on Social Security, which is OK, but he has no upper teeth. He lost his false teeth. His bottom teeth are rotten, and he has no intention of replacing them.
I would be willing to pay for his teeth, but because I'm not sure how to approach the subject, I have decided not to see him anymore. We have agreed to stay in contact by texting. I don't know how to handle this. Can you help me? -- TURNED OFF IN VIRGINIA
DEAR TURNED OFF: Your ideal man has more problems than having lost his uppers. His lack of attention to dental hygiene is a danger to his health. If you care about him, point it out. And when you do, explain that there are low-cost options for getting treatment -- such as contacting a school of dentistry where students treat patients under the supervision of qualified professors. If his problem is fear of dentists, that can be dealt with too.
Rather than write any checks to pay for his new teeth, encourage him to be more proactive in taking care of himself. If you do, you'll be doing him a favor.
DEAR ABBY: I have read letters in your column about lazy adult sons moving back home. I'd like to present the other side of the story.
After being gone 15 years, my son lost his job, house and wife and had to move back with us. I admit I was apprehensive, but on his first day home he started to rebuild our 30-year-old patio. After that, he painted our house, installed air conditioning in our garage, planted and harvested a garden, which he maintained, landscaped the yard and helped in numerous other ways.
Soon he found a good job and a great girlfriend. He eventually bought a home and moved out. He lives nearby and still maintains our vehicles and helps out a lot around the house with things my wife and I find difficult to do. He borrowed my truck one day and brought it home with four new tires!
Abby, I thought you might be interested to read an upbeat story on this subject for a change. (I have a great daughter, too -- but that's a different story.) -- GRATEFUL DAD IN NEVADA
DEAR GRATEFUL DAD: You are absolutely right that I am interested. Thank you for such an upbeat letter. I don't know what your recipe was for child rearing, but I'm sorry you didn't share it. Your son is a gem!
Daughter of an Addict Frowns on Her Husband's Drinking
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law was a drug addict for most of my wife's life. Because of this, my wife refuses to use any addictive substances, including alcohol. I enjoy having a beer or three occasionally. I never get drunk, just pleasantly tipsy. This happens maybe once a month.
Every time I drink, she gets very judgmental, as if I'm some sort of alcoholic. I have tried talking to her about it when I'm not drinking. She claims she doesn't care if I drink occasionally. Then as soon as I do, she rolls her eyes at me, sighs if I get a second one and asks me why I'm drinking. I'm puzzled about why she acts this way. Please help! -- JUST A DRINK IN THE EAST
DEAR JUST A DRINK: She acts this way because she is the child of an addict, and seeing someone imbibe one -- or three -- drinks at one time makes her remember how her parent behaved while under the influence, which makes her uncomfortable. And frankly, I can't blame her. There are support groups for adult children of addicts that can be extremely helpful. I hope your wife looks into them for her benefit and for the benefit of your marriage.
Man at a Loss to Understand why Marriage Is Ending
DEAR ABBY: I'm on the verge of a divorce, about to start a trial separation. There was no cheating involved on my part or hers. There haven't been any money issues, either.
My soon-to-be ex-wife decided, after 11 years of marriage and no sex for the past two years, that she wants to be alone and has no feelings for me. I'm totally floored, and I'm not sure of what I'm asking other than your opinion of this. She has agreed to go to marriage counseling. Do you really throw away a marriage over this, and should I move out and hope she misses me and wants me back? -- BROKENHEARTED DUDE
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Do not move out and "hope" your wife wants you back. If you separate, you may decide that you don't want her back. I'm pleased she's willing to go to counseling with you. It may create a path toward healing your marriage, if it is salvageable. It will also help you to understand what went wrong. (I suggest you start exploring the circumstances under which your sex life died.)
DEAR ABBY: I recently received a cash gift from my mother. We are not close and rarely communicate. Being her daughter, I assume she loves, and likes, me. I cannot claim to share those feelings.
I am not in need of money. I have a decent income, but she doesn't know how much I earn. She likely needs the cash more than I do. Is there a way I can give it back to her without hurting her feelings? If not, how do I accept this gift that I do not want? -- GUILTY NEW YORKER
DEAR GUILTY: Not knowing your mother, I can't guess why she gave you this money or what her financial situation is. Because you are afraid you will make an already fragile relationship even more delicate if you return the money, the prudent thing to do would be to graciously thank her for it -- perhaps in a written note. Because accepting her gift makes you feel guilty, consider putting the money aside just in case at some point she may need it in the future.
New, Simpler Lifestyle Sparks Anger Among Family, Friends
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I decided a couple of years ago that we wanted to live a simpler, slower-paced life. We decided to get rid of our TV, tablets and social media accounts and trade our smartphones in for flip phones, among other changes. Since then we have been focusing more on our marriage and our four kids. We have picked up new hobbies and have been learning better communication skills. The result: We find ourselves happier and less stressed overall.
The problem is we have encountered a lot of hostility from friends and family. We have been told we are crazy, backward, anti-technology, and have even been accused of abusing our kids because they spend most of their time outdoors and don't watch TV.
I really don't understand why people are angry. Maybe they feel we are judging them (we aren't), or maybe they just don't like when others choose a different path. With all the complaints about how millennials (my husband and I) are addicted to screens, I would think they would regard our decision as a positive one.
Even after two years, people are upset about it, and we still get rude, snarky comments. I don't care if they disagree with us, but I do care that they feel entitled to be rude and disrespectful. How do we deal with people's big emotions over such a small matter? -- UNPLUGGED IN OHIO
DEAR UNPLUGGED: Social media can be a blessing, and for many individuals it has become the primary way of maintaining contact with others. Your friends and family may be bothered because they have to make more effort in order to have a relationship with you.
Because you have chosen the direction in which you want to go, your best "defense" would be to keep your sense of humor and ignore the snark whenever possible. I'm pleased that you are happier now, and I have a hunch more families may follow your example in the future.
Wife Cherishes Simple Gold Band Through 45 Years of Marriage
DEAR ABBY: This is in reply to "Hung Up on the Ring in Reno" (Nov. 11), whose girlfriend insists on a very expensive ring as part of the marriage proposal. He believes she equates her value and social status with the size of the stone.
I was married in the early 1970s. When my fiance and I went to a jeweler to select my ring, I sorted through several trays of gold rings, searching for just the right one. Finally, in the last tray, I found exactly what I wanted -- a little gold band trimmed with an etched design around the edges. I held my breath as the jeweler quoted the price -- $13!
That sweet little gold band has been on the third finger of my left hand for 45 years. It has nothing to do with my value and social status, but rather, represents 4 1/2 decades of love, mutual respect and sharing. I wouldn't trade it for the Hope Diamond, and I intend to wear it until my final day on Earth.
Incidentally, my husband saw the jeweler later at a social gathering shortly before our wedding, and the man complimented him on the "nice, sensible" young lady he was going to marry. -- NANCY IN UPSTATE NEW YORK
DEAR NANCY: It appears your husband and the jeweler had something important in common -- an eye for quality.