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by Abigail Van Buren

Adult Child Sees Too Much Togetherness in Family Trip

DEAR ABBY: This spring, my entire family will be traveling 15 hours away for a wedding. I was excited about it until my family started making plans.

I'm 21 and live alone, so I'm pretty independent from my parents. The thought of being around them 24/7 for a week straight drives me crazy.

They took it upon themselves to get a credit card in my name to rent me a hotel room on the same floor as everyone else, and even went so far as buying a camper so everyone could go together. Ideally, I'd like to travel there independently, spend time as a family during the wedding, then have some alone time and enjoy the trip.

I'm under so much pressure to please my family that I'm not even sure I still want to go. I know my family would be hurt if I don't go, but I feel like if I do, they will be upset because I won't be with them 24/7. Either I stay home and miss out, or go to the wedding and be annoyed. Advice? -- WORRIED ABOUT THE WEDDING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WORRIED: This isn't a choice between going or not going to the wedding. This is your chance to create some boundaries between you and your family in the future now that you are an adult. This isn't a power struggle. It is an important milestone in the lives of your relatives.

I hope you will attend the wedding and be present, accounted for and supportive. However, before you go, make plain to your parents that you will need some time to yourself so they won't be surprised when you're not with them 100 percent of the time. Then contact the hotel and arrange to pay for your accommodations with a credit card that you applied for, because you are canceling the one that was fraudulently opened in your name "for" you. And tell your parents to never "help" you out that way again.

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