Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Mom Weighs Bringing Defiant Daughter on Family Vacation

DEAR ABBY: One of our daughters (18) has been rebelling for the last couple of years. She's not doing well in community college. She is dating a drug user and has been caught in lie after lie, including about spending the night at friends' homes.

She has now decided she no longer wants to live with our rules, which include staying enrolled in college full time and making progress, doing a few household chores, telling us where she is going and when we can expect her home, and having no overnighters. She has moved out and in with a friend.

We know she's immature and will grow up eventually. We are heartbroken but understand we can't control this. We are praying for her safety.

We have an out-of-town wedding coming up and have decided to make a family vacation out of it. On one hand, we want to include her, not wanting to destroy what little relationship we have. On the other, we do not want to be "used" for a fun vacation. Because she has chosen to live on her own as an adult, she must pay her own way (which she can't afford). Should we take her or not? -- MOM OF AN ALMOST-ADULT

DEAR MOM: Your daughter has made a choice -- to be out from under your thumb and on her own. The "price" for her independence is being unable to depend upon you and your husband to foot the bill for her expenses.

Would she be running wild and staying out all night if you take her with you? You would have to set some rules beforehand and get her to agree to abide by them if she is going to be included with her sibling(s). A positive experience as a family may be what you all need right now. But only you can decide whether it's worth taking the chance.

Read more in: Family & Parenting | Money | Holidays & Celebrations