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by Abigail Van Buren

Moving In Together Becomes a Roadblock in Relationship

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a great guy for two years. We each have two kids from a previous marriage. I am still legally married (separated almost three years) and am in the process of divorcing. My ex is stubborn and vindictive. He's dragging this whole thing out for no good reason other than to spite me.

I brought up the issue of moving in together with my boyfriend, but he told me he isn't ready. Clearly, since my divorce isn't final, we aren't getting engaged or married anytime soon, but I think it would be the next logical step in moving forward in our relationship.

We see each other every weekend, our kids get along great, and I yearn to blend this already blended family under one roof. I love him, and he says he loves me. He says the fact that I'm still legally married doesn't bother him.

I'm wondering, because after two years he still isn't ready, if he'll ever be ready. What if my divorce isn't final for years? Must I wait until then to be living together?

Honestly, I just want to go to bed with him and wake up with him every morning. Should I set myself a time limit for him to move forward, or should I quit now? We get along in every way, and this is the one worry in the back of my mind. -- WAITING IN NEW YORK

DEAR WAITING: You and your boyfriend need to have an honest conversation. It's possible he may want to avoid the present drama in your divorce. It's equally possible that he doesn't want to move in together because he likes your relationship just the way it is -- living independently from Monday to Friday while enjoying the pleasure of each other's company on weekends.

If this is the case, you need to know that things may not change if and when your husband decides to finalize the divorce. This is something you may also want to discuss with your divorce lawyer. There may be a way to sever the tie that binds. You should not be held captive for years because your spiteful almost-ex is dragging things out.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce | Love & Dating