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by Abigail Van Buren

Woman Fears for the Future If Boyfriend Becomes a Cop

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. He's amazing, and I can see myself marrying him and having a family one day. There is only one problem. We are healthy in our arguments except when his job is brought up. He's applying to go into the police academy.

I have always told people I would never be with a cop because of my own anxiety. We fight about this all the time, and while I don't ask him to find something else to do, it's kind of implied. I don't mean to be like that (or do I?) because I want him to be happy and do what he wants, but I also am terrified his job won't end well.

He asks why I am even dating him, and the honest truth is because he is an amazing man who truly does right by people. I love him. But do you think he is right? Is this something that can be overcome? -- JUST ONE THING IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR JUST ONE THING: It takes a particular kind of person -- a very strong one -- to marry a partner who is in the military or in law enforcement. The physical danger can create additional stress in relationships.

You cannot and should not dictate what your boyfriend's job should be. If he thinks he can find emotional satisfaction in police work -- provided he completes his training -- he should give it a try. If you don't think you can handle the stress of kissing him goodbye and being unsure that he will come home from work, then you are not the woman for him.

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