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by Abigail Van Buren

Couple Tries To Save Smitten Widow From Heartbreak Ahead

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I belong to a singing group. Another member of the group is a very nice widow in her 70s everyone loves. We know she's lonely, and we have tried fixing her up with good men who are also alone. Things have never worked out.

A few months ago, a man who is an excellent pianist came into our group. He's around 40 and has a girlfriend who comes with him. Our friend has fallen for him in a big way. It has changed her whole attitude and messed up our friendship because she talks only about him all the time. He has given no indication that he's interested in her in any way.

My husband thinks she may be going into dementia because of the way she's acting. We both want to bring her back to reality, but she refuses to admit she has changed. She says WE have changed and accuses us of not wanting her to be happy. Abby, we have always wanted her happiness, but we have given up on how to deal with her obsession. She's very defensive about "him" and insists he'll come around in time. How can we help her accept the truth? -- WORRIED ABOUT HER

DEAR WORRIED: You can't! Quit trying to live this woman's life for her, and you will all be happier. She's an adult, even if right now she's acting like a teenager. That she's able to feel romantic feelings for someone -- available or not -- is a step in the right direction. She will come to understand that her piano man won't "come around" in her own time and without your help.

Read more in: Love & Dating | Friends & Neighbors