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by Abigail Van Buren

Wedding Planning Is Marred by Brothers' Refusal to Attend

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old daughter is getting married in about two months. Invitations have been sent out, and everything was going along pretty smoothly. However, my two older brothers, who live out of state, have informed me that neither of them will be attending her wedding. They didn't offer any reason for not attending, and money is not an issue.

My father, who has been very ill this past year with cancer, is doing everything he can to be there. My daughter had hoped that everyone could come, as it would be an opportunity for our entire family to be together, especially given my father's poor health.

Am I wrong to be upset? My brothers seem to not prioritize our family very highly. I am trying to focus on who will be there and not on who isn't. But I am afraid this isn't something I will forget. -- TRYING TO SMILE IN FLORIDA

DEAR TRYING: Unless you have omitted some important information from your letter, has it not occurred to you that your brothers' refusal may have something to do with their relationship with your father? I'm as mystified as you are about why they refused the invitation, but please don't allow their absence to cast a shadow over this happy occasion.

When you say you won't forget it, I hope you won't waste your precious time looking backward and carrying a grudge. Your daughter's wedding is not a command performance, and if your brothers cannot be there to appreciate the joyous occasion, so be it.

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