DEAR ABBY: I don't know how to refer to the man I love. We are both older and have been living together for years. Introducing him as my "boyfriend" makes me feel like a kid in a short-term relationship. I can't use "husband" because we get our full benefits being single. (If we marry, we could lose half our income.)
I tried "partner," but people assumed I was speaking of a business partner or a same-sex partner. "Lover" comes across as an extramarital affair. There has to be another word for a couple who lives together for years, like in a marriage, but who cannot marry. -- UNCLASSIFIED IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR UNCLASSIFIED: You might refer to the gentleman as your honey, your sweetheart, your loved one or spouse -- or simply by his name. Most of the people with whom you are speaking probably know you live together, and if they are new acquaintances, there is no requirement that you explain your marital or financial situation.