DEAR ABBY: I have three grown sons we don't see often. They're married or live with a girlfriend, and they work a lot. I understand they have their own lives, but it seems their partners' families take priority over us. I feel bad about it, but I understand that this is just how it is.
We feel unimportant in their lives. When our anniversary comes around, they don't bother to acknowledge it. (They do acknowledge our birthdays.) I always make sure I don't miss an occasion by calling or sending a card. When the one couple needs something (like money), they always call. I feel if we disappeared, they wouldn't notice. Our anniversary is the tip of the iceberg. All the rest I can let go of.
How can I tell them how much it hurts without sounding like a whiner? I'm not asking for much more than an unsolicited "Happy Anniversary." Our "golden" one is coming up soon. Some people's kids give them parties for such a special occasion. I'm actually embarrassed. We do have a life. We travel. But a little acknowledgment from our kids would be a big morale-booster. Advice? -- LET DOWN IN THE WEST
DEAR LET DOWN: Your adult children are not mind readers. They appear to be very much centered on themselves and their own lives. TELL them how hurt you are when they overlook your anniversaries. If nothing changes, the next time you are hit up for money, say no. If you do, it may lessen their sense of entitlement, which would be doing them a bigger favor than dispensing dough like an ATM machine.