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by Abigail Van Buren

Schoolteacher Is Left out of Husband's Plans to Visit Family in Vietnam

DEAR ABBY: My husband's parents live in Vietnam. He has decided to take a two-to-three-week trip there soon -- at a time when it's impossible for me to accompany him because I'm a schoolteacher. The purpose of the trip is to attend a cousin's wedding and visit his parents.

We have known each other eight years and have been married for one year. He always talked about taking me to Vietnam so I could see where he was born and sightsee with him. But now he is choosing to go at a time when I cannot, and using his cousin's wedding as his excuse to "need" to make the trip. (He didn't think it was necessary to attend this cousin's older brother's wedding a few years ago.) I suggested he wait until summer to visit, when I'd be free to travel with him.

I feel his going without me is a negative commentary on his feelings for me and our marriage. He doesn't see it that way at all. What is your opinion? -- POSSIBLY HOME ALONE IN IOWA

DEAR POSSIBLY HOME: Your husband may feel closer to the cousin who is being married than to the older brother whose wedding he skipped. In my opinion, you are taking his decision to attend this wedding much too personally. I also think you should be a better sport about the fact you can't join him, and impress upon him that you are looking forward to the time he can take you to his home country so you can see where he grew up and enjoy the "grand tour" he promised.

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