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by Abigail Van Buren

Man Is Troubled by Wife's Fond Memories of Former Husband

DEAR ABBY: After 23 years together, my wife, after spending time with her grown children, brought home photos of her deceased former husband. The photos that bother me are the ones in which they are holding hands. He was the stepfather to her now-middle-aged children. They had 19 years together, and he had a daughter who became my wife's stepdaughter.

The stepdaughter posted on social media that she missed her dad. My wife expressed the same feelings and said she thinks about him, too. When my wife posted those sentiments on the internet, everyone could read it. Those pictures and feelings bother me. Am I wrong for being angry about this? -- UPSET IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UPSET: It's time to grow up and accept that your wife was married -- I presume happily -- before her former husband's death. If you want a healthy marriage, stop competing with a dead man. For her to express solidarity with her former stepdaughter was no reflection on her love for or her marriage to you. Your feelings are not all that unusual, but you are wrong to be angry. If you need reassurance, ask your wife for it, and I'm sure she'll give it to you. Because she once loved another man doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce | Death