Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Accident Ends Couple's Plan to Have Children Together

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 years older than my boyfriend, "Spencer," and have two kids from a previous marriage. Spencer and I have been living together for the past 10 years.

I planned to have his child, but was involved in an accident and now can no longer have kids. He blames me nearly every day for having "experienced life" while he hasn't. He wants kids, and mine are mine -- not his. He calls me ugly names now and is physically and emotionally abusive.

I love Spencer very much, and I feel deeply hurt. It wasn't my choice to be infertile, but he truly hates me for it. I get choked and pushed and have bruises the next day. Do I just give up and leave him after so many years of harmony?

This has only gotten extremely bad over the past year. My gut says he's involved with a girl at work who is giving him bad advice. She's 12 years younger than he is. I have caught them texting and talking together in our car at his job. Please help me with some advice. -- LOST SOUL IN OREGON

DEAR LOST SOUL: I'll try. You should have drawn the line the first time Spencer became abusive. For the sake of your children -- not to mention your own safety -- tell him he has to leave. That's what he's really trying to do, force you to end what has become a toxic relationship so he won't have to take the responsibility. Because his priority is having children "of his own," he needs to move on and, frankly, so do you.

Read more in: Love & Dating | Family & Parenting | Abuse | Work & School