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by Abigail Van Buren

In-Laws' Lunch With Ex Puts Wife on the Defensive

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws (whom I love) stay with us twice a year and we entertain them while they're here. Whenever they are in town, my husband's ex-wife insists on meeting them for lunch.

It has been 10 years since my husband and his ex were divorced. They have adult children. Her inclusion hurts my feelings, and I suspect my in-laws are just afraid of hurting the ex's feelings. She is remarried, too. How would you feel? -- TIRED OF IT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TIRED: I would feel less threatened than you apparently do, and this is how I would handle it: I'd keep the visit positive, and realize the ex is ancient history. I would not let her presence ruin the visit. Your in-laws are adults. If they didn't want to see her, they would find a way to tell her that they couldn't fit her in. If necessary, I would also remind myself that their having lunch with her has nothing to do with the relationship they have with me, which is what I recommend you do.

Read more in: Family & Parenting | Marriage & Divorce