DEAR READERS: Have a very happy and healthy Fourth of July, everyone. And please be safe! -- LOVE, ABBY
Disapproving Son Tries to Put an End to Mother's Romance
DEAR ABBY: I am a 64-year-old widow who lost my husband 5 1/2 years ago. I became reacquainted with a former classmate at a high school reunion, and we started dating. He makes me laugh, takes me to dinner and movies, and we have a great time together.
One night, I let him stay over because he was going to go to church with me the next morning. He lives 45 minutes away. My son drove by (intentionally), saw his car and confronted us at church in front of people. He walked up to my friend and said, "Well, how did you enjoy your sleepover at my mother's house last night?" This was the first time they had ever met!
Their bitterness toward each other has escalated, and now my son has given me an ultimatum: Choose between his family or my friend. He has my only grandchildren.
I am so depressed, I don't know what to do. I don't want my son dictating my life, but I want to see my grandchildren. They truly are the most important people in my life. I could break up with my friend, but then my son would think he won. Any thoughts? -- SO, SO SAD
DEAR SAD: You are all adults. Your son was a mile out of line to do what he did. Why would he be patrolling your home? Personally, I think what he did was a little sick.
This is not a question of winning or losing. For your own sake, you must not allow him to tell you how to conduct your personal life. I would recommend family therapy for all of you if your self-righteous son would agree. But if he won't, my advice to you is to live your own life.
Bride Hopes to Keep Sister's Painful Past out of Her Wedding
DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon to the best guy ever, and I couldn't be more excited. My older sister is my maid of honor, and she has been doing an amazing job with the planning of my bachelorette party, showers, etc.
Two years ago, my sister was engaged to a man named "Sean." Six months before their wedding, Sean broke the engagement without warning, and along with it, my sister's and my family's hearts. About a month ago, they decided to get back together and are trying to make things work.
My fiance and I have decided not to invite Sean to our wedding. We believe it's too soon for him to be around the family, but more importantly, we don't think our wedding day is an appropriate time for him to be "re-introduced." Is it selfish to exclude him from our nuptials? How should we tell my sister? -- SELFISH IN THE WEST
DEAR SELFISH: I'm glad you asked. While it's your right as the bride to exclude whomever you choose, it would be selfish and I strongly advise you -- for the sake of future family harmony -- not to do this. Your sister has been doing everything she can to make this milestone event in your life wonderful. To exclude Sean would be a poor way to thank her for her efforts.
Long-Distance Love May Be Drifting Even Further Apart
DEAR ABBY: I am a retired male. My girlfriend is still working. We have been exclusive for three years. We live 300 miles apart, but see each other every two or three weeks for at least three days and, until now, have had a very good relationship.
The problem is, she's saying she wants to socialize with her ex-husband, who lives in her town. They have been divorced for eight years, but she wants to see him occasionally in a "social setting," not just when it pertains to their two adult children, who live out of state.
I understand that they need to have a relationship because of their family, but I have trouble accepting their getting together to socialize. She has removed pictures of me from her Facebook so as not to offend the ex and banned me from her son's wedding. She has told me she doesn't want me to attend any future family events where the ex is present. Am I being unreasonable or immature in not accepting this situation? -- READY TO JUMP SHIP
DEAR READY: You are neither immature nor unreasonable. It would be interesting to know your girlfriend's definition of "getting together" because it may involve more than being in a social setting. That she has removed images of you from her Facebook and no longer wants you to attend family celebrations tells me, as it should you, that more may be going on with her ex than she has told you (yet). I'm sorry, but I suggest you prepare yourself for some worse news, because it appears to me your romance is heading south.
DEAR ABBY: Please repeat a warning to your readers. Here in Tennessee, at least two young children have died recently as the result of being left inside a parent's car on a hot day. Although many, if not most, states have passed laws against leaving children alone in a parked car (as well as people with disabilities and pets), too often those laws are ignored, knowingly or unknowingly. People still don't understand how dangerously hot the interior of a car or truck can get, and how quickly it can happen.
The temperature inside a car with the windows rolled up can rise as much as 20 degrees in 10 minutes. Within an hour, the interior of a car can easily become hot enough to cause heatstroke, which can prove fatal to children, an elderly or disabled person, or a pet. Even on cloudy days, inside temperatures can reach dangerous levels.
Because of this risk, the National Weather Service uses a slogan: "Look Before You Lock!" TV and radio stations across the country have joined this effort, and a number of websites and videos are available that focus on this important message. Abby, would you please print this commonsense reminder? -- TOM IN FAIRVIEW, TENN.
DEAR TOM: I'm pleased to join this campaign to save lives. Readers, if you are transporting loved ones -- including your pets -- resolve to stay focused on their safety rather than the next task on your to-do list. These tragedies seem to happen when drivers are so distracted by what has to be done next that they forget about what's going on in the present.
Teens Are Kept in the Dark About Dad's Office Affair
DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20 years has blindsided me by announcing he's leaving. Come to find out he's "in love" with a co-worker and thinks they are soul mates. Our close friends and family know about the affair (and are dismayed), but our teenaged kids don't. He told them we simply grew apart.
His suddenly leaving with no attempt to work on the marriage sends a confusing message. Is it best the kids don't know about her, or will it hurt them more if they find out later? How do I talk to them about the commitment of marriage without criticizing him, and does that include protecting his lie? -- CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CONFUSED: Your children are teenagers. Teenagers today are very wise in the ways of the world. They are also observant; when they visit their father at his place, they will draw their own conclusions.
As to talking to them about the commitment of marriage, refrain from doing it when you are emotional, and leave out any reference to their father and his "soul mate" unless they bring it up. You have my sympathy.
DEAR ABBY: I'm talking with a guy who's in prison. He has eight months before he gets out. Do you think it's wrong for me to keep talking with him? Is it wrong to date someone in prison? I go visit him. He wants to marry me when he gets out. He talks about how God has changed his life since he's been in prison. -- WONDERING IN THE EAST
DEAR WONDERING: While it is possible to write to, talk to and visit someone who is in prison, it is not possible to "date" someone who is locked behind bars. While it is not wrong to talk to him, please understand that when he is released, his circumstances will be different.
Rather than talking about marriage at this point, he should be thinking about how he will find a job and reintegrate himself into the real world. You should not jump into a lifetime commitment with him until he has done that. God may have changed his life while he has been in prison, but that doesn't mean the task is done. He will have to continue to work on changing his life himself.
Pets Frightened by Fireworks Need Extra Attention When Outside
DEAR ABBY: Every year in my neighborhood, "lost dog" signs appear the day after the Fourth of July. Would you please print a reminder to dog owners that noise from fireworks can cause pets to become so frightened they bolt from home and become lost. Keep your pets inside anytime you can hear fireworks.
On the Fourth, which is noisy all day, when my dogs have to go out, I go out with them (even though I have a fenced yard). I want to be able to see them every second. Better safe than sorry. -- PET LOVER IN BARNHART, MISSOURI
DEAR PET LOVER: I'm sure my readers will be grateful for your timely reminder. And while we're on the subject of lost pets, this would be a good time to ensure that your dog (or cat) is properly identified with a microchip or ID tag in case it does manage to get away from you.