DEAR ABBY: My 35-year-old stepson has moved back into my home so many times I have lost count. I ask only that he keep his bedroom clean, himself clean, help around the house and look for work. He got married last January and was recently escorted to my home by the local police. His new wife had taken out a restraining order against him.
I was unemployed for two years, but recently found a new job. It's a start, but things are tight financially, and my wife had to assume the role of provider, which I dislike immensely. That's why I hate talking to her about this issue with her son.
I have asked -- pleaded -- to no avail, and now have run out of polite ways to tell him to get out. I don't want him to feel unwelcome, but I'm feeling very used. -- FEELING USED
DEAR FEELING USED: Your feelings are accurate. And as much as you might hate it, talk to your wife about what her son is doing. At 35, he should have long been able to find lodgings other than under your roof.
By allowing her son to live (rent-free, I assume) under the conditions you have described, she's enabling it to continue for the foreseeable future. Unless changes are made, it could ruin your marriage. A first step should be to set a date by which her adult son should move out and insist he get help for the issue that led to the restraining order.