READER ALERT! If you know a student who would like to enter the $5,000 Dear Abby College Columnist Scholarship contest, see the information on DearAbby.com and learn more. The deadline is fast approaching.
Couple Disagrees on Etiquette of Curating Their Bathroom Art
DEAR ABBY: I'm a married woman in my 30s. My husband and I own a home, which I have decorated to our taste with the exception of "my" bathroom. My husband and I use separate bathrooms. Mine is the one on the main floor, which is also used by our guests.
A few months ago, I purchased a large piece of art to hang in my bathroom. Admittedly, it is a bit provocative, but I don't consider it to be over the top. My husband said he didn't care that I hung it, but when his father came to visit recently, he took it down and hid it. I didn't say anything, but I now feel he is embarrassed by my taste.
I'm hosting a couples baby shower in a few weeks, and one of the guests is very religious. My husband suggests I hang the artwork somewhere else or hide it for the party. I don't feel I should have to redecorate a room in my own home. Am I being unreasonable, or should I find a less provocative piece of art to hang for our more conservative guests? -- FINE ART LOVER
DEAR FINE ART LOVER: While your home is your castle, surely you want your friends and family to be comfortable in it while they visit you.
Years ago, I bought an original work of art by Patrick Oliphant titled "Naked Nixon," which I hung over the toilet in my powder room. While entertaining guests I knew were politically conservative, I switched it out for a print of long-stemmed flowers. If you know there's a possibility someone will be offended while using a room that's a "necessity," the polite thing to do would be to listen to your husband.
Fridge Fills With Leftovers After Last-Minute Dinner Cancellation
DEAR ABBY: We invited friends over for dinner. Because they have toddlers who like to eat early, we started meal preparations accordingly. One hour before they were to arrive, the wife canceled because her daughter was "cranky." She said she wanted to reschedule for two days later. Since the food was already prepared, we now have leftovers that will last for days.
I don't want to go shopping again because I feel like she already stood us up, and I know she can't host us for now because she lives with her parents. What's proper notice when canceling a dinner date? How should we as hosts handle her request to come over a different day, especially so close to the event? -- MIFFED AFTER DINNER
DEAR MIFFED: Because she lives with her parents, your guest could have left her cranky daughter with "Nana" and "Poppy." Barring illness, the "proper" time to cancel would have been before you bought groceries for the dinner. However, with small children, things do happen, so be forgiving. Because she's a good friend, put the food you prepared in the fridge for two days and serve it when she shows up. (It may taste better after the flavors meld.)
Best Friend's Invitation Loses Appeal as Details Are Revealed
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend's best friend asked if we could drive an hour to visit them and their children on Saturday. I've met her twice, and we have chatted a bit online. I have met her fiance only once.
My boyfriend just told me she wants to take off with him to a bar for a birthday drink -- or two -- while I stay at home with her fiance. When I heard about it, I said I am not OK with being excluded. He understood and agreed they would take a walk around the block instead.
When I texted her saying I didn't want to be ditched, she insisted that I need to share him, and her fiance is looking forward to getting to know me better. She also tried to guilt me, saying it's her birthday weekend.
I think she's rude. I've never been to their house, and I'm not friends with her fiance. When you invite a couple over, I believe the expectation is to socialize as a group, not break off. I also think it should have been a request versus something I was told is happening. If she wants to spend time with my boyfriend, they should make separate plans. Can you please weigh in on the etiquette? -- UNEXPECTED PLANS IN THE EAST
DEAR UNEXPECTED: You appear to be the "new kid on the block," while your boyfriend, his best friend and the fiance have known one another a long time. The purpose of getting together is for all concerned to have an enjoyable time. If you wouldn't feel comfortable in the situation as it was described, you shouldn't have been pressured to agree, regardless of whether it's her birthday weekend. She was wrong to do that, and yes, it was rude.
DEAR ABBY: My son was in a serious accident, which left him with a head injury as well as other physical problems. Since then he has also had anxiety attacks, paranoia and a profound dislike of me. We went from a close relationship to a shattered one, and I don't know why. He has said horrible things about me to other family members, none of which are true. His wife is clueless. She has exacerbated the situation by viewing this as "his side vs. my side."
My other children are angry at them both and want to just ignore him. They stay in contact with him because I beg them not to abandon him. Unfortunately, due to confidentiality regulations, I am unable to speak to his doctors. We have had no contact for three months, and I won't initiate it. I love him and this is breaking my heart. Please advise me. -- UNHAPPY MAMA IN THE WEST
DEAR UNHAPPY MAMA: My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how pained and helpless you must feel because of your son's traumatic brain injury. I wish I had a magic wand and could make this unfortunate situation go away, but I do have a suggestion. Although HIPAA regulations prevent you from speaking with his doctors, nothing prevents you from writing them a letter if you think there's something they need to know.
You'd be wise to seek professional counseling for yourself now. No one can predict whether your son will regain his emotional balance, and it's important you have all the emotional support you need for your loss. In a very real sense, it is a loss, the loss of the son you knew. A licensed therapist can give you insight on how to move forward.
Dedicated Churchgoer Seeks Strength Against Temptation
DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married man. I'm also a part of my church's worship team and at the church three times a week. Two ladies are active in the church almost as much as I am. Every time I'm there it's a good bet I'll see at least one of them.
I'm ashamed to admit this, but I have lustful feelings for them. I would never act on my feelings, but I would like to get rid of them. Leaving the church is not an option. -- EMBARRASSED IN KANSAS
DEAR EMBARRASSED: You seem like a very nice person. Lust is part of the human condition. It has been around since before the Old Testament was written. Instead of feeling guilty, perhaps it's time to accept that you are human.
Rather than quietly suffer embarrassment, it may help to discuss your feelings privately with your clergyperson. It won't be the first time he or she has heard something like this, trust me. Sometimes simply verbalizing uncomfortable feelings can make them diminish or go away entirely.
Man Is Reticent to Open up in Budding Office Romance
DEAR ABBY: A co-worker reached out to me and we started talking. He asked me on a date, and we've been official for about a month now. He's beyond amazing, but there's a problem. He can't express his feelings to me, or to anyone for that matter. He's very insecure because he used to be overweight.
He hasn't been in a relationship in forever. I know he's serious about us. I'm slowly falling for him, and I want it to work out. Is there anything I can do to help him get comfortable with opening up to me? -- FALLING FOR HIM
DEAR FALLING: Yes. Start by remembering the two of you have been "official" for only one month, and relationships -- like trust -- have to evolve. Do not push him to make a commitment or declare his undying love. If you are patient, as your relationship develops, he may become more open about expressing his feelings to you. Give him time, and because workplace romances are sometimes frowned upon, give him space.
Husband Feels out of Place Planning His Own Anniversary Party
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary this year. What is typical or acceptable in preparing for the celebration?
We have a 48-year-old son who has never remembered dates, especially our wedding anniversaries, so I don't expect that he'll plan anything in our honor. I love my wife so much I just can't let our 50th slide by without a celebration. Would it be appropriate for me to take the lead? I feel weird setting up a party to honor myself. -- SAD IN COLORADO
DEAR SAD: It is not uncommon for couples to plan and host their own anniversary parties. If you would like to celebrate your 50th surrounded by friends and family, you are free to take the initiative and do so. Or spend the money taking your bride on a cruise or other trip of a lifetime.