DEAR READERS: I'm honored to participate in National Women's Health Week (May 13-19). Women are the primary caretakers in most societies -- including our own. But in the process we too often forget to take care of ourselves -- by eating right, getting enough sleep, controlling our stress levels with regular exercise and scheduling regular medical checkups. Please don't procrastinate. Start now! National Women's Health Week is a perfect time to begin. Visit womenshealth.gov/nwhw for more information. -- LOVE, ABBY
Teen With Older Boyfriend Keeps Dangerously Late Hours
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 19 and lives with me. She is seeing a 26-year-old man who has a child with another woman he didn't marry.
When my daughter goes out with him, he keeps her out until 3:30 a.m. or later. He has done this twice that I know of. I had a conversation with him, and he assured me he would make sure she is home before midnight, to no avail.
I don't think he's good for my daughter. Should I forbid her from seeing him (because she lives in my house) or let her make her own decision? We are not going to raise a baby out of wedlock! -- TEEN'S DAD
DEAR DAD: Your 19-year-old daughter is considered to be an adult even if she's not acting like it. Tread carefully because if you forbid her to see this man, she may rebel by moving out and in with him.
You have the right to make clear to her that under no circumstances will you raise a baby out of wedlock, and that if he gets her pregnant, she'll be on her own. And while you're at it, point out that her school or job will suffer if she continues the late hours she's been keeping. "Remind" her that what she's doing is irresponsible and will keep her from succeeding if she doesn't straighten up. Then cross your fingers that your daughter will get the message.
Mom Prays for Son's Safety as He Takes up Cycling
DEAR ABBY: I need advice about my son. He has started doing bicycle training with a coach and some other cyclists, and he likes it a lot. But I continually hear about accidents with bicycles, and every time he goes, I am frightened for him.
My husband was a cyclist for many years, and he encourages him. I want to do the same, but fear stops me. What must I do? I pray every time he goes and surrender him to God. Is this the right way? -- FEARFUL IN NICOSIA, CYPRUS
DEAR FEARFUL: A mother's primary instinct is to protect her young. The problem is, parents can't protect their children in every circumstance, and cycling is a mode of transportation being promoted everywhere.
It's a plus that your son is working with a coach, presumably one who understands the hazards and road conditions in your city. Under the circumstances, you are doing the best you can and you are doing the right thing. There is no requirement that you "must" encourage your son as his father is doing.
I believe in the power of prayer, and if it makes you feel better, then it is absolutely the right thing to do.
Bride Is Drowning in Details of Planning a Beach Wedding
DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are looking forward to being married soon. The problem is, he wants a traditional wedding with bridesmaids and groomsmen, and I prefer a wedding at the courthouse.
I'm not good at planning parties, and we have almost no budget to work with. We will be paying for all of this out of pocket. We have a venue booked on a beach. However, the amount of planning that's going into this weeklong wedding/family vacation -- with all invitees attending -- is becoming too much.
My future mother-in-law doesn't care for me, and dealing with her is stressful. My fiance is not planning the wedding. I am, by default. I really don't want to do this, and we can't hire a wedding planner. Do you have any suggestions on how to compromise on this situation? -- WEDDED UN-BLISS IN TEXAS
DEAR WEDDED UN-BLISS: There are solid reasons it is recommended that engaged couples have premarital counseling to work out any disagreements before the vows are spoken. I'm suggesting it for you. Your celebration should be kept low-key and inexpensive, and you do not have to explain or apologize to anyone for it.
I would like to caution you, however, to think twice about going through with this marriage. From where I sit, you will have a built-in mother-in-law problem because the woman doesn't like you, as well as an irresponsible husband who is unwilling to compromise. It doesn't take a crystal ball to predict that you will have some serious challenges to contend with.
Friendship Suffers in Response to Neighbor's Miserly Habits
DEAR ABBY: Neighbor "Bill" has lived across the street for 30 years. Our kids grew up together, and we socialized at least once a month with him and his wife. Three years ago, she left him, and his daughter moved out of town. My wife and I were among the few who helped to support him emotionally.
Bill is pleasant and presentable. The problem is, he's the cheapest man on the face of the Earth. We have almost identical well-paying professional jobs. My wife and I travel extensively, attend events, have new cars and eat well. Bill has a 20-year-old car he won't even pay to wash. He travels only when he can stay at a friend's house, and must be hard-pressed to pay for anything. He's kind of a leech in that he waits for invitations where he can get by on the cheap. This makes for a very dull and challenging companion.
My wife is neutral, but it has really gotten to me. Her take is to just not invite Bill if it bothers me so much. I'm willing to support him emotionally, but not financially at the same time. Mutual friends agree with me. Your thoughts? -- JUST ABOUT OVER BILL
DEAR JUST ABOUT OVER: My thought is that the friendship with Bill may have run its course. And if your neighbor should ask you why, tell him what you have shared with me -- that you're tired of footing the bill for Bill.
DEAR READERS: Happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give each and every day! LOVE, ABBY
Girl Feels Like Cinderella in 'Boys Club' Household
DEAR ABBY: I live with my dad and my brother. My mother passed away when I was very young, and I was pretty much raised by my dad (with the help of family, of course).
Dad always took great care of me, or so I thought when I was younger. Now that I am older, I realize he has made me the little "domestic" of his house. He makes me do dishes, clean my room, and he badgers me about my weight. He says if I would just lose weight, guys would love me.
He goes out with my older brother to baseball games, car shows and just about anywhere else. I'm not included. I don't mind doing my share of housework, but it has become unfair. My brother is only a few years older than I am, yet he has almost no responsibilities, and Dad gives him everything (his old car, pays to go to baseball games, dinner, etc.) while I must buy my necessities.
I know Dad loves and cares about me, but over the last year or two I feel it's gotten worse. When I bring up the inequality between my brother and me, he claims I'm being "dramatic" or that I have many females in my life who compensate for him. I think he has some sexist ideas, and I don't know how to address it with him. -- ANONYMOUS IN THE EAST
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Your father appears to have created a "boys club" with your sibling that you aren't welcome to join, and badgering you about your weight is not only cruel but counterproductive. Men do not fall in love with women because they are skinny. Other, more important, qualities enter into it, whether your dad chooses to recognize that fact or not.
Because you have "many females in your life who compensate for him," marshal your army and confront him together about how he is treating you. Perhaps if he hears a chorus he will pay attention. It's worth a try. However, if that doesn't raise his consciousness, consider making other living arrangements as soon as you are 18.
DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol when you are regifted something you bought someone (birthday, Christmas, etc.)? I have no problems with my gift being kept, sold, donated or gifted to someone else. But given back to me?! I found the surprise regift hurtful and insulting.
How should I respond since I am the one who bought it in the first place? Normally I'd send a thank-you note. Should I reply with sarcasm, be ironic or find a regift of my own? Thoughts, please. -- DISTRAUGHT IN NEW YORK
DEAR DISTRAUGHT: It's possible the person had forgotten from whom the gift was received and didn't realize it was being sent to the original giver. Try to dig deep and find your sense of humor when you respond. If it were me, I'd compliment the giver on what "great taste" she had, comment on the color or the usefulness of the item, and then thank the person for taking the time and effort to select something I would enjoy and sign off with love.