DEAR ABBY: How do I gracefully ask a bridesmaid to step down? She has been extremely unhelpful and missed all the events in the planning of my wedding. The problem is, she has already bought her dress. What do I do in a situation like this? -- DRESS DILEMMA
DEAR DILEMMA: It depends. Ask yourself (calmly) what will you gain by asking her to step down, and what do you have to lose?
If you are considering it because you plan to replace her, the big day has already been planned and the events are over. Would her replacement be purely decorative? If you want to punish her, understand that because she has paid for her dress there will be hard feelings, and if she's a family member, there will be consequences later. (Frankly, if I were you, I wouldn't toss my bridal bouquet in her direction.)