HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS: The Year of the Dog begins today. People born in the Year of the Dog are independent, sincere, loyal and decisive. Undaunted by life's challenges, they enjoy harmonious relationships with those around them. Famous individuals who share this zodiac birthday are Winston Churchill, Mother Teresa, President Bill Clinton, Elvis Presley and Madonna. I wish a happy, healthy new year to all of you who celebrate this holiday.
Woman's Higher Income May Bruise Her Boyfriend's Ego
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Hal," and I have been dating for a year and a half, living together for six months. I'm afraid he feels emasculated. Because I make more money than he does, a lot of the responsibility for paying the bills lands on me. We try to split things down the middle, but recent complications with his job have meant it doesn't always work out that way.
I love Hal. I know he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want money to be a dividing force, but I don't know what to say to make him feel better. This has been the elephant in the room for some time.
Hal helps out with cooking and housework, and because of that, I don't mind putting a little more into the bills. I do not want this to be an issue further down the road. Any advice is appreciated. -- STUCK ON THIS IN VIRGINIA
DEAR STUCK: The problem with elephants in the room is, the longer they are ignored, the larger the herd becomes. It's amazing that two important subjects -- sex and finances -- are such touchy ones to discuss.
Choose a time when you and Hal are relaxed, and then bring up your concerns. Tell him how much you appreciate him in your life and the efforts he makes to make life easier for you, and that you don't want money issues to cause problems between the two of you. He may need to hear you say it. Then encourage him to express his feelings the way you have.
Couple Is Ditched by Dinner Companions on Way out the Door
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were invited by some friends to meet for dinner. We arrived first; they showed up several minutes later. During the meal, the wife said, "I always scan the restaurant to see if there's anyone else here I know."
After we finished dinner and the checks were paid, the couple got up and left the table. We didn't know where they had gone. I put my coat on and we were leaving, when the wife, who was now sitting down at another table with another couple, stopped us to introduce us to them.
I think they were terribly rude. I feel they should have waited and walked out with us, saying hello as they passed the table of their other friends.
This isn't the first time she has done this. Is there a way to politely tell her how rude it is? My husband still wants to meet them for meals, but I am really struggling with it. -- DITCHED DINER IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR DITCHED: If your dinner companion had perfect manners, rather than disappear after the check was paid, she would have said, "I see the Joneses over there. We want to go over and say hello, so come with us or go on ahead." Because you have dined together before, you know this is her pattern. I do not think it is anything to ruin a friendship over.
Man Vacillates Over Inviting Late Wife's Mom to Wedding
DEAR ABBY: My wife passed away two years ago at age 40 after a long bout with cancer. We had three children, ages 7 to 12. I am 44 and engaged now to a wonderful woman. We are planning to have a small wedding with fewer than 50 guests.
While the kids and I are doing well, my late wife's mother, "Karen," is still grieving. She has a forceful personality and can be quite pushy. She lives nearby.
We have not finalized the arrangements or sent out invitations. Karen has been asking if she and my former father-in-law are invited, but we haven't answered her yet. She says she's hurt because she feels we don't want her there.
Is it proper etiquette to invite the parents of a deceased spouse to a remarriage? The only people she would know aside from us would be my parents, who need to bond with my fiancee's family who are coming from out of town. The kids seem to not care either way. If it were me, I'd feel awkward being there. Help! -- LOOKING TO THE FUTURE IN ILLINOIS
DEAR LOOKING: Although your late wife is gone, her parents are still your children's grandparents and therefore should be treated as part of your family. While you might feel awkward if you were in their position, consider how hurt they will be if they are not included on the guest list. The decision whether to attend should be theirs to make.
Welcome them and treat them with kindness. A wife can be "replaced," but a daughter cannot, which is why Karen is still grieving even though you have gone on with your life.
Neighbors' Trashy Backyard Could Scare Away Buyers
DEAR ABBY: I need advice on how to deal with a friend/neighbor's messy, unkempt backyard. We are getting ready to put our house on the market, and I'm concerned their yard may be a deterrent to potential buyers. Their pool looks like a swamp, and various pieces of lawn furniture are strewn about the yard. Tables are turned upside down and random items are thrown about.
They are friends of ours, but I have no clue how to broach such a sensitive topic without upsetting them. Please help. -- LIVING NEXT TO A SWAMP
DEAR LIVING: Because those neighbors are friends, I assume they are aware that you are selling your home. If you live in an area that's prone to any dangerous mosquito-borne viruses, you would be doing them a favor to point out that their pool equipment needs fixing because still water makes an excellent breeding place for mosquitoes.
As to the state of their yard, your real estate agent may have some suggestions about how to handle that. If you and your spouse volunteer to help your neighbors make it more attractive, they might be receptive. However, if they refuse and you live in a community with a neighborhood association that regulates how properties must look in order to preserve their value, consider bringing this to its attention.
Couple Celebrates 50 Years Together With Abby's Blessing
DEAR ABBY: When I was 16 and wanted to get married, my father suggested I write to Dear Abby (your mom was writing the column back then) and ask her opinion. He said he would agree with what she said. I did, and Abby wrote me back. We did get married, and I decided that on our 25th anniversary, I would let you know how we were doing. You printed my letter.
As we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary year, I want you to know our marriage has only strengthened. A very young couple who began life together with no idea what path we would take has experienced the best that life could offer. We have two beautiful daughters, wonderful grandchildren and a great-grandchild. We've had success in our careers, traveled the world, visited every state in our great country and can confidently relate that life has been good.
Commitment through the good and bad times is the key to a lasting marriage. It isn't always easy, but the rewards far outweigh the problems. -- TOOK THE ADVICE IN MONTANA
DEAR TOOK THE ADVICE: I'm pleased to know you are as happy on your 50th anniversary as you were on your 25th. It's interesting you would say that the key to a lasting marriage is commitment. I would offer that it is also mutual respect. (My mother once said that the key to a lasting marriage is a husband who lasts!)
My warmest congratulations to you both, and a very happy Valentine's Day to you, your husband and to all my readers.
Snide Remarks to Woman Bodybuilder Make Her Husband See Red
DEAR ABBY: I'm married to a beautiful woman, "Suzonne." We are bodybuilders and into fitness, so we are both quite muscular.
Recently, my wife cut her hair short. It's a great look for her, and we both love the style. Unfortunately, some people have begun calling her "sir" at work and when she's out and about. Suzonne waits tables a couple of nights a week for extra income. Some of the customers have gone so far as to keep calling her "sir" after she has told them that she's female.
This infuriates me because it's so disrespectful. I know it hurts my wife's feelings, although she has been super strong about it. It's plain when you look at Suzonne that she is a beautiful woman.
How can she nip this in the bud before it starts to make her feel bad? I feel a strong need to defend her, and I don't want to get into a physical altercation with anyone over it. -- HURT FEELINGS IN FLORIDA
DEAR HURT FEELINGS: Because your wife has a muscular build and a short haircut, it's possible some of the individuals who call her "sir" are making an honest mistake. However, for someone to persist after being informed that she is a woman is extremely rude. (It makes me wonder if the offender has a warped sense of humor or is threatened by her muscular appearance.)
When it happens at work, Suzonne should ask her manager how the situation should be handled rather than allow it to continue. But under no circumstances should you get into a physical altercation because of it. Instead, on the home front, continue to reassure your wife that she's beautiful.
DEAR ABBY: My husband refuses to memorize my cellphone number. He says as long as it's in his phone he doesn't need to. I feel he should know it so if he loses the phone or the battery goes dead, I can be reached. What do you think? -- LOGICAL IN KANSAS
DEAR LOGICAL: Experience is the best teacher. I think you should stop arguing with your husband and let him suffer the consequences. An option might be for him to jot the number on a small piece of paper and keep it in his wallet.