DEAR READERS: Well, 2018 is on the brink of being over! Out with the old, in with the new. Please accept my heartfelt good wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2019. And, as I caution every year, if you are out partying to ring in the new year, please make appropriate transportation arrangements and be safe! -- LOVE, ABBY
Man's Talk of Suicide Keeps Woman in Their Relationship
DEAR ABBY: A year ago, after five years of marriage, I divorced my ex-husband, "Taylor." We agreed to separate because I believed I had fallen out of love with him. We have remained friendly and communicate often.
Since the divorce, I have struggled with feelings of guilt and the creeping suspicion that I have made a mistake. I think I am still in love with him. Taylor desperately wants us to get remarried, and lately I have been considering it. However, I have another issue to consider.
For the past few months, I have been seeing another man, "Jacob." Although he is sweet and affectionate, Jacob is needy, clingy and struggles with depression and anxiety. He often expresses suicidal thoughts over problems in his life, including the thought of me leaving him. He is in therapy, but it doesn't seem to be helping.
I am terrified of breaking up with him to reconcile with my ex-husband because I honestly believe Jacob would kill himself, and I could not live with that. Any advice would be appreciated. -- IN A HARD SPOT IN ALABAMA
DEAR HARD SPOT: Jacob is in therapy. Write a letter to his therapist and explain your concerns. That way the therapist will understand in advance that his/her patient may be heading for a rough patch. Regardless of whether Jacob is serious about killing himself should you end the relationship, for your own sake, you must not allow yourself to become a prisoner of his illness. That dynamic is unhealthy for you.
I must caution you, however, not to allow yourself to be pressured into reconciling with your ex unless both of you have premarital counseling so you won't fall back into the pattern that destroyed your marriage. Whether it was lack of communication, boredom, a dull sex life -- you both must understand where it went off track and take steps to correct it before remarrying.
Friends Look on as Couples Struggles With Husband's Obesity
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are close friends with another couple we love dearly. Lately the wife has been concerned about her husband's continued weight gain. She makes comments when we are all out to dinner about what he wants to order and insists they share a meal or that he choose something lighter.
I know she's concerned about diabetes and heart disease and all the other ills obesity can bring, but I don't think this is helping. In fact, I think it's pushing him to want to eat more. How can we as friends help them to overcome this? For the record, he now weighs more than 300 pounds. -- BEST FRIENDS IN TEXAS
DEAR FRIENDS: Your friend's husband is dangerously overweight. She may be panicking at the reality that the load he's carrying could shorten their marriage. What she doesn't realize is that the motivation for him to deal with his weight problem has to come from him, not her.
Rather than second guess what he's eating when you are all out to dinner, she should encourage him to talk with his doctor and a nutritionist about what he needs to do to get healthy. Please tell her that. It won't happen overnight, and she should expect him to fall off the wagon sometimes. But with determination, it can be done.
Never-Seen Boyfriend Raises Doubts for Concerned Parents
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is a professional woman in her mid-20s. She works in a demanding field with a lot of overtime. She lives an hour away from us and is financially independent, but depends on us often for favors.
She has been dating a man for a year and a half who doesn't even call her his "girlfriend." We have never met him. He sees her when it's convenient for him, sometimes for an hour at 11 on a Sunday night after he's spent the weekend with his friends. (We both know what to call that.) She has never asked him to feed or baby-sit her cat, help her move furniture, pick up an item from a store or anything. She asks us.
We are in our 60s. We feel it's time for her to find a loving, considerate life partner, but she's content with her present "relationship." She has had relationships before with thoughtful, helpful guys, so I'm not sure why she is rationalizing this man's self-centered behavior.
He is now moving 600 miles away, but plans to continue seeing her. He hasn't asked her to join him, although she considered uprooting herself from her job and family to do so. How can I make her see that she has no future with this man and needs to find a real partner in life? -- WON'T BE AROUND FOREVER
DEAR WON'T: Are you sure he isn't married or in a long-term relationship with someone else? I don't blame you for being a concerned parent, but this is a realization your daughter is going to have to arrive at in her own time. Badgering her is counterproductive.
Could it be your independent daughter likes the "freedom" this relationship provides? If you are doing your daughter favors the "boyfriend" should be providing, cut it out. It's possible that the move he's making will cause him to drift out of her life so things can end naturally. Cross your fingers.
DEAR ABBY: I am a morning person, and my newly retired husband is the opposite. At night in our bedroom, he reads on his iPad for several hours while I try to sleep. I am in bed by 11 while my husband usually stays up till 1 or 2 a.m. If I wake up, he's on our couch in the bedroom with a glow of light from the iPad. But it bothers me that he is in the same room staying up to read.
We have been married 45 years and usually went to bed at the same time because of work, but now that he's retired, he says he likes reading, watching movies or watching videos on YouTube. I think he should read in another room (better for his eyes) and not the room I am sleeping in. He doesn't want to sit in our living room.
Bottom line: It bothers me that one person is doing an activity while the other sleeps or tries to sleep. What would be your advice? -- DISORDERED SLEEP IN COLORADO
DEAR DISORDERED SLEEP: Because you need a solid night's sleep in order to function properly the next day, your husband should move to a different room if he wants to read so he won't disturb you. It's called demonstrating consideration for one's spouse.
Husband Takes Pact to Split House Expenses to Extremes
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years and have two young boys. My husband, "Cliff," and I earn approximately the same amount and contribute equally to our household expenses.
It bothers me that if we're on a family excursion, and he's driving my minivan and we get low on gas, he will fill the tank up only halfway. Additionally, when we met my friend recently for a birthday celebration, when we were leaving the parking garage, Cliff demanded my credit card to pay for the parking. (The fee was $13.)
Unlike his past girlfriends, I have never used his credit cards to buy fancy clothes at expensive boutiques. I pay for house renovations that I feel are important -- porch repair, wallpaper, bedroom furniture for our children, recessed lighting, etc. out of my own pocket.
For our upcoming anniversary, when I asked Cliff where we would be going so I could plan accordingly, he asked me why I wasn't taking him out to celebrate our anniversary. What do you make of all of this? Frankly, it saddens me. -- MONEY'S THE ISSUE IN VIRGINIA
DEAR ISSUE: You are short-changing yourself. If you and your husband agreed to split expenses equally, you should not be paying out-of-pocket for repairs and decoration. That your husband is so determined not to be taken advantage of financially that he would fill the gas tank only halfway saddens me, too.
However, on the subject of anniversaries, he does have a valid point, so why not alternate anniversaries with him? One year he'll do the planning and take you out to celebrate, and the next year you'll do it for him.
DEAR ABBY: My son moved back home after college two years ago. He had major surgery on his leg two weeks after his graduation and a 14-month recuperation, which I helped him through. He hasn't been able to find work in his field of study. He did work for about three months, then quit.
He bought an expensive rottweiler puppy while he was working, but now he's unable to pay for the shots, food and general care of this puppy. I'm struggling financially and cannot afford to help with the expenses.
The puppy is destroying my house, pulling my sofa cushions from the sofa, gnawing on my woodwork, etc. My son is accusing me of being "materialistic and selfish." I feel he should have waited until he had his own place before he got a dog. I already have one, "Siggy," that was my son's when he was 10 years old. He no longer wants Siggy because he's old now. I love Siggy as my own, and one dog is enough for me now. Please advise. -- CARELESS IN TEXAS
DEAR CARELESS: Your son may be chronologically an adult, but he's acting like a spoiled child. Rather than call you names, he should be grateful you have supported him to the degree that you have. Start talking to him like the grown-up he is and tell him if he can't support his rottweiler, he must contact a rescue group that can find it a loving home with a responsible guardian who will ensure it receives the care it deserves. Unfortunately, your son does not qualify.