DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, my daughter got pregnant. She and her husband were overjoyed, as was I. Being a quilter, I immediately made a baby play quilt. However, before I could send it, she had a miscarriage. After that, she had another miscarriage, so I have never given her the quilt, nor have I given it to anyone else.
She and her husband divorced, and she has since remarried. They haven't had children, nor do they want any. They are happy with their decision, and it's fine with me.
They often entertain and sometimes small children are there with their parents. I will visit her in a couple of months, and I'm wondering if I should give her the quilt for the young ones to play with. I don't want to open old wounds, but I'd like her to have it. Of course, this is more about her feelings than mine, but I'm unsure about what to do. I would appreciate your thoughts. -- NOT A GRANDMA IN TENNESSEE
DEAR NOT A GRANDMA: Do not surprise your daughter with the quilt. A couple of weeks before your visit, mention it to her and ask what she would like done with it. The decision should be hers. I am sure you put much love and effort into creating it, but don't be surprised if there is so much pain associated with it that she asks you not to bring it.