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by Abigail Van Buren

Wedding Snub Is Last Straw in Strained Mother-Daughter Relationship

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have been estranged for many years for multiple reasons. She has bad-mouthed me in emails to other relatives and then denied having done it, invited my ex-husband to family birthday parties knowing I wouldn't show up if he was there, and gone months, sometimes years, without speaking to me over things she has perceived as slights.

I have tried many times to walk away and let the situation go, but I continue being urged by other family members to "be the bigger person," not give up and "just keep trying." I married recently and invited her to the wedding. She texted 48 hours beforehand to indicate she would not be there. I'm wondering, is it OK to stop trying now? I mean, how much of this should one person be forced to take? -- JUST ABOUT DONE TRYING

DEAR JUST ABOUT DONE: I see nothing to be gained by continuing to tolerate your mother's passive aggression. If you are asking for my permission to stop doing all the work in the relationship, I am pleased to give it to you now.

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