DEAR READERS: I am honored to again participate in National Women's Health Week. Women are the primary caretakers in most societies -- including our own -- but in the process, we too often forget to care for ourselves by eating right, lowering our stress levels with regular exercise and scheduling regular medical checkups. Please don't procrastinate. National Women's Health Week is a perfect time to begin. Visit womenshealth.gov/nwhw for more information. -- LOVE, ABBY
Ex-Friend Cast Out of Social Circle Dreams of Vengeance
DEAR ABBY: My friend has decided she can no longer tolerate my husband. She feels he doesn't "respect" her. This is far from the truth, in my mind.
We have supported her emotionally and financially from time to time for many years. My husband does have a habit of making clunky jokes (anything for a laugh or to fill the void). But a real friend should see beyond that to the loving, supportive person he is at his core, in his heart, and forgive.
We are now banned from her social group. I find this very harsh -- cruel even. I guess my friendship doesn't count, as I'm being thrown out with the perceived trash as well. I'm depressed and angry, and I want some kind of revenge and to hurt her back. I was so happy with our little group. Now it's been taken away from me. Advice? -- TOSSED ASIDE IN NEW YORK
DEAR TOSSED: Yes. Rather than seek revenge, tell the woman how hurt you feel after having befriended her all these years. Time is our most precious commodity. The more time you spend plotting retaliation, the more space this ungrateful woman is taking up in your head, and it's not healthy -- for you.
Once you have spoken to her and gotten this off your chest, go on with your life. Continue to see others in the group on an individual basis, if necessary. If they are real friends, I'm sure they'll be glad to do that.
Role of Mom Is All-Consuming for Woman Who Seeks Adult Conversation
DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old single mother (by choice) of a beautiful 3-year-old boy. Because of infertility problems, it took years for me to conceive. I love my son beyond measure and, when I'm not working, I'm usually shuttling him to extracurricular activities and making time after cooking and cleaning to play with him.
Because my world revolves around being a mom, I have a hard time participating in adult conversations without talking about my son and how proud and happy I am to be his mom. I realize this can be irritating to others, and it has become frustrating for me.
I'm educated, opinionated and well-read, but I seem to have lost the ability to relate to other adults and make friends away from my role as a mother. Any advice would be helpful at this point. -- PROUD TO BE A MOM
DEAR PROUD: Considering the fact that your total focus is on your child, it's not surprising he's your main topic of conversation. However, because you want to expand your repertoire, broaden it by bringing up current events, which should give you plenty of fodder for conversation.
Mom's Long-Distance Advice Isn't What Teen Wants to Hear
DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and dating a 16-year-old girl. My mother lives a few states away. Every time we talk she tells me to spend less time with my girlfriend. It always seems like she's trying to break us up. Please give me advice. I want her to want me to be in the relationship I'm in and to let me stay with her. -- TEEN IN LOVE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TEEN: Regardless of what you may think about what your mother is telling you, she is not the "enemy." She may be worried that the more time you spend with your girlfriend, the less you will have to devote to your studies, sports, friends, etc. -- all of which are important at your age. The two of you need to talk further about this, so there are no misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
P.S. Because your mother lives out of state, I assume you are living with your father or some other relative/guardian. It might be enlightening to know what the other adults in your life think about the amount of time you're spending with your girlfriend. Perhaps you should ask them.
Rapid Pace of Digital Advancement Causes Inescapable Overload
DEAR ABBY: I am struggling to adapt to our accelerating technological world. When I remove myself from the rapid information cycle of the internet and social media, I feel the world is passing me by. I have tried to find a balance, but the ubiquity of technology and our cultural reliance on the internet leave me feeling like I have only two options at any given time -- connection or disconnection -- and neither one feels entirely healthy to me.
This isn't the first case of technological advancement leading to rapid cultural change and a sense of dislocation, but at the current rate, it may be the most extreme. This is to say nothing of the increasing presence of artificial intelligence in our lives. Do you have any advice for maintaining one's humanity while remaining culturally relevant in our increasingly technology-dependent world? -- FLOATING IN THE DIGITAL AGE
DEAR FLOATING: Just this: Try harder to find a balance, because if you are constantly online, you will be swamped. Sometimes we must disconnect and enjoy the "real world" without the constant interruption of the latest news cycle. Trust me. You won't miss much because the information will find its way to you.
DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to handle the situation when you catch the host of a party double- or triple-dipping into a bowl? -- ICK! IN LARGO, FLA.
DEAR ICK: That's easy. Refrain from consuming anything from that bowl.
DEAR READERS: Happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere. This includes birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising grandchildren, and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give every day. -- Love, ABBY
With Parents Gone, Truth Can Be Told About Brothers' Crimes
DEAR ABBY: I have known for a long time that once both of my parents were gone, I would cease contact with my brothers. My problem is how to explain it to other family members and friends. I don't want to go into the details about my reasons. I feel it would hurt my parents if the truth were out.
One aunt keeps asking why and insisting I should make amends. Abby, one brother went to jail for murder, and both of them are child molesters. Neither is a person I would want in my house. They have stolen from me, and there's no love lost between any of us.
I'm not good at lying and don't know what to say. Is there a way to ask them to stop asking about my brothers without telling them anything? I don't want to be rude. -- FAMILY DRAMA
DEAR FAMILY DRAMA: You could tell these people the subject is closed, but they may not respect your wishes. Frankly, I can't understand why you feel it would hurt your two (dead) parents if the truth was told. They are beyond caring now, and if people knew what your brothers are capable of -- murder, theft and child molesting -- they might prefer to protect themselves by also distancing themselves. I know I certainly would.
Man in Uniform Turns Down Civilian's Offer to Buy Coffee
DEAR ABBY: Recently, at a local doughnut shop, I created what I'm afraid was an awkward social situation as I was placing my order. Three military servicemen in uniform came in and stood in line behind me. As the cashier rang me up, after a few moments of mulling it over, I told them I was thankful for their service and politely asked, "May I please buy your coffee for you?"
I was shocked when one of them responded, "I'd rather you didn't. We make pretty good money, you know." He then proceeded to say he always tries to "avoid situations like this" because "a lot of service people take advantage of civilians who offer them things for free."
The other two seemed to share his sentiments, but agreed to let me pay. Each one shook my hand and thanked me before leaving, but I could see I had made them uncomfortable.
I truly am thankful for the services of those in uniform and never intended to offend them in any way. Next time, should I donate to a military support charity instead? I don't want to offend anyone again. -- OFFENSIVELY PATRIOTIC?
DEAR PATRIOTIC: It is not rude to thank someone for the job he or she is doing. You did nothing wrong. Your offer was gracious and generous, and in no way an implication that those individuals couldn't afford to pay for their coffee. However, some people find it difficult to accept the "burden of gratitude," and the person who lectured you may have been one of them. Please recognize that and do not allow what one man said to change what you're doing.