DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to handle the situation when you catch the host of a party double- or triple-dipping into a bowl? -- ICK! IN LARGO, FLA.
DEAR ICK: That's easy. Refrain from consuming anything from that bowl.
DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to handle the situation when you catch the host of a party double- or triple-dipping into a bowl? -- ICK! IN LARGO, FLA.
DEAR ICK: That's easy. Refrain from consuming anything from that bowl.
DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and dating a 16-year-old girl. My mother lives a few states away. Every time we talk she tells me to spend less time with my girlfriend. It always seems like she's trying to break us up. Please give me advice. I want her to want me to be in the relationship I'm in and to let me stay with her. -- TEEN IN LOVE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TEEN: Regardless of what you may think about what your mother is telling you, she is not the "enemy." She may be worried that the more time you spend with your girlfriend, the less you will have to devote to your studies, sports, friends, etc. -- all of which are important at your age. The two of you need to talk further about this, so there are no misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
P.S. Because your mother lives out of state, I assume you are living with your father or some other relative/guardian. It might be enlightening to know what the other adults in your life think about the amount of time you're spending with your girlfriend. Perhaps you should ask them.
DEAR ABBY: I am struggling to adapt to our accelerating technological world. When I remove myself from the rapid information cycle of the internet and social media, I feel the world is passing me by. I have tried to find a balance, but the ubiquity of technology and our cultural reliance on the internet leave me feeling like I have only two options at any given time -- connection or disconnection -- and neither one feels entirely healthy to me.
This isn't the first case of technological advancement leading to rapid cultural change and a sense of dislocation, but at the current rate, it may be the most extreme. This is to say nothing of the increasing presence of artificial intelligence in our lives. Do you have any advice for maintaining one's humanity while remaining culturally relevant in our increasingly technology-dependent world? -- FLOATING IN THE DIGITAL AGE
DEAR FLOATING: Just this: Try harder to find a balance, because if you are constantly online, you will be swamped. Sometimes we must disconnect and enjoy the "real world" without the constant interruption of the latest news cycle. Trust me. You won't miss much because the information will find its way to you.
DEAR READERS: Happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere. This includes birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising grandchildren, and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give every day. -- Love, ABBY
DEAR ABBY: I have known for a long time that once both of my parents were gone, I would cease contact with my brothers. My problem is how to explain it to other family members and friends. I don't want to go into the details about my reasons. I feel it would hurt my parents if the truth were out.
One aunt keeps asking why and insisting I should make amends. Abby, one brother went to jail for murder, and both of them are child molesters. Neither is a person I would want in my house. They have stolen from me, and there's no love lost between any of us.
I'm not good at lying and don't know what to say. Is there a way to ask them to stop asking about my brothers without telling them anything? I don't want to be rude. -- FAMILY DRAMA
DEAR FAMILY DRAMA: You could tell these people the subject is closed, but they may not respect your wishes. Frankly, I can't understand why you feel it would hurt your two (dead) parents if the truth was told. They are beyond caring now, and if people knew what your brothers are capable of -- murder, theft and child molesting -- they might prefer to protect themselves by also distancing themselves. I know I certainly would.
DEAR ABBY: Recently, at a local doughnut shop, I created what I'm afraid was an awkward social situation as I was placing my order. Three military servicemen in uniform came in and stood in line behind me. As the cashier rang me up, after a few moments of mulling it over, I told them I was thankful for their service and politely asked, "May I please buy your coffee for you?"
I was shocked when one of them responded, "I'd rather you didn't. We make pretty good money, you know." He then proceeded to say he always tries to "avoid situations like this" because "a lot of service people take advantage of civilians who offer them things for free."
The other two seemed to share his sentiments, but agreed to let me pay. Each one shook my hand and thanked me before leaving, but I could see I had made them uncomfortable.
I truly am thankful for the services of those in uniform and never intended to offend them in any way. Next time, should I donate to a military support charity instead? I don't want to offend anyone again. -- OFFENSIVELY PATRIOTIC?
DEAR PATRIOTIC: It is not rude to thank someone for the job he or she is doing. You did nothing wrong. Your offer was gracious and generous, and in no way an implication that those individuals couldn't afford to pay for their coffee. However, some people find it difficult to accept the "burden of gratitude," and the person who lectured you may have been one of them. Please recognize that and do not allow what one man said to change what you're doing.
DEAR ABBY: When I was in my 20s I chose a career whose long-term effects I hadn't anticipated. I am charged with telling people they are dying and watching them die on a daily basis. While I know I am good at it, it leaves me emotionally drained.
I manage to muster up enough energy to try to be there for my kids but, frankly, I can't seem to be there for anyone else, including my wife, co-workers and close family. My problem is, this has left me with no emotional support (my children are too young for that, although playing with them is some help) and there are tough days when I really need it. Advice? -- ALONE FROM MY WORK
DEAR ALONE: You need a support group. Many people in the medical field find them to be a helpful outlet. Rather than blame yourself for your inability to "be there" for your co-workers and family members, joining a group might help you to relieve some of the stress you are experiencing by talking about it. If you do, I'm sure you will find you are far from alone. If there isn't a support group already there for you, please consider starting one, because airing those emotions you haven't been able to share would be extremely helpful.
DEAR ABBY: I've been dating a guy for two years. He has his late mom's wedding rings. He always said he would use them if he ever proposed to anyone.
Well, he proposed to me last week. Last night he informed me that he had let his ex-girlfriend of 10 years wear the rings because she loved jewelry. It made me sick to my stomach, and made his proposal not mean anything to me.
I told him it would be like me giving him my ex-husband's wedding band to wear. He doesn't understand because he didn't use them to propose to her, but to me that's beside the point. They were on her hand.
I told him he should have given me the option of wearing the rings or having him buy my own set. He thinks I'm just supposed to be OK with this. Am I out of line feeling the way I do? -- TARNISHED IN TENNESSEE
DEAR TARNISHED: I don't think so. To say this "guy" lacks sensitivity would be an understatement. Are you sure you actually want to spend the rest of your life with someone so clueless?
When he allowed his former girlfriend to wear his mother's wedding rings "because she loved jewelry" rather than because they were planning to marry, the symbolism of bestowing them vaporized. If you do plan to go through with it, "suggest" he buy you ones or use the stones from his mother's rings in a different setting for a ring you will enjoy wearing rather than feeling like Secondhand Rose (third-hand, actually).
DEAR ABBY: My son is graduating this year. To celebrate, I would like to have dinner at a restaurant with a group of friends (adults) and their children. However, I'd like them to pay for their own meals. How do I address an invitation to such a get-together? -- NOT A FREE DINNER
DEAR NOT A FREE DINNER: You could put on the invitation that this will be a "no host" celebration. Or, rather than issue a formal written invitation, simply call your friends and describe what you have in mind.