DEAR ABBY: I have recently had discussions with friends and family about the best way to express concern for someone who is facing major surgery. Some say they'd prefer hearing about others who have undergone similar procedures successfully. (But might that set expectations that can't be met, since not all procedures and physical circumstances are the same?) Or is it best to keep comments general? For example: "You will be in my thoughts/prayers/heart," or "I hope it goes even better than you hope it will." What's the most helpful way to express concern? -- SENSITIVE SUBJECT
DEAR S.S.: Unless the surgery is for something life-threatening -- in which case the thoughts, prayers and heart are necessary -- keep the message upbeat and positive. Example: "Is there anything I can do for you while you're recuperating?" And if the answer is no, say, "I'll give you a call in a couple of days to see how you're doing, and we'll visit when you're up for company."