DEAR ABBY: Is it cheating to proofread your college-aged child's final before he/she turns it in? -- WONDERING IN ORANGE, CALIF.
DEAR WONDERING: To read it? No. To correct it, yes.
DEAR ABBY: Is it cheating to proofread your college-aged child's final before he/she turns it in? -- WONDERING IN ORANGE, CALIF.
DEAR WONDERING: To read it? No. To correct it, yes.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I argue more than I'd like. I am pretty easygoing and passive; he likes his feelings to be known. Over time I have become worn down, and my patience has worn thin.
We are starting to rebound from what I call "the year from hell." His drinking and poor choices nearly put us on the street, and I was ready to walk. Things are starting to get better, but what we can't seem to agree on is communication during the day.
Abby, I am on the phone for a living. I cannot stand being on it more than I must be. He calls and/or texts me up to 12 times a day. I can't stand it. Even when I'm busy or give him a time certain when I will call him back, he beeps in before I have the chance.
I am now at the end of my rope. With all that I have dealt with, worked through and put up with, this is something I will not compromise on.
I feel it's more than sufficient to talk on my way in to work, maybe check in around lunch, then on the way home. He feels that because I don't feel the need to call or talk that much that I don't love him. I can't stand listening to the dead air or breathing because there is nothing to talk about. Am I being petty for letting this be the thing that will break us? -- TALKS TOO MUCH IN TEXAS
DEAR TALKS TOO MUCH: If you want to save your marriage after everything you have been through, make the time for marriage counseling. What may destroy your marriage isn't your husband's talking; it's his neediness, insecurity and insensitivity.
Frankly, what you have described strikes me as controlling rather than loving behavior. After the struggles you have described, you have already proven your love for him. Being at his beck and call during the workday should not be an additional requirement.
DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is extremely allergic to cats. We have six cats, but live 1,000 miles away from her. When her 8-year-old son comes to visit, he has a Ziploc bag full of clean clothes that he puts on before he goes home. The clothes he wore here are sealed up at the end of his trip to be washed.
I'm OK with this. But I need some advice for an upcoming big family holiday gathering. We have all been courteously asked to wash our clothes before coming, to vacuum our vehicles and to limit our contact with cats before arriving. Am I wrong to feel like it's her problem, not ours? -- WHOSE PROBLEM IS IT
DEAR WHOSE PROBLEM: Yes, you are wrong. When a family member has a health problem that can be triggered by the others, it becomes everyone's problem. If the steps needed to keep her safe are too much for you, you should stay home.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and so is my boyfriend. He is an only child, and all throughout his life, his parents have put a lot of pressure on him. Recently, they've been talking about him getting into an honors program in a college. Abby, his parents act like if he doesn't get in, they won't be proud of him. He always feels like he's disappointing them because they never give him any words of encouragement or let him know he's on the right track.
It seems to me that he just wants to know that they're proud of him. It's hard for me to constantly try to support him through this because he needs his parents' approval, and I can't give that to him. Is there any way I can help him? He refuses to talk it out with his parents, but I just want them to be on the same page. Can I help without getting too involved with their family dynamics? -- THERE FOR HIM IN DALLAS
DEAR THERE FOR HIM: Much as you would like to help your boyfriend, if you approach his parents about the way they are raising their son, it won't help the situation. The odds are great that it will cause them to resent you. However, if your boyfriend would discuss this with a counselor at school or a teacher he trusts, that person -- an educator who is a contemporary of your boyfriend's parents -- might suggest that their son needs positive reinforcement to reach his full potential.
DEAR ABBY: I was married for many years to my ex-wife. I met another woman, wound up divorced, and I am now with this other woman.
The problem is, my ex is disabled. Somebody stays with her during the week and cooks for her and such. Sundays are different, and I usually bring food to her, which takes about an hour.
My new lady friend is having a fit about this to the point that we may break up over it. Am I wrong for helping my ex, who has very little family and no children? -- GOOD DEED PUNISHED IN MISSISSIPPI
DEAR GOOD DEED: You are a kind and caring individual. That your new lady friend cannot recognize this for what it is, an act of compassion, and realize that you would do the same for her if she needed it, is sad. You are not wrong for helping your ex, since there is no one else who seems willing. If this woman is so threatened that she can't cut you some slack one hour a week, perhaps breaking up would be best for both of you.
DEAR ABBY: I am biting my tongue all the way through at work. One co-worker regularly brings her breakfast to eat. The other, even worse, comes in with wet hair and uses a curling iron at her computer station -- in shared space! Am I too old-fashioned? -- BITING MY TONGUE
DEAR BITING: Many people bring their breakfast to work. Unless there is a rule against it, I see nothing wrong with it.
As to your other co-worker, I agree what she's doing is inappropriate. She'd probably do a better job if she groomed herself in the restroom or at home before work. Is your supervisor or boss aware she's doing it? If not, the person should be informed. If so, then MYOB.
DEAR READERS: I am often asked, "Do you ever hear back from the people who wrote to you?" The answer is yes, I do.
A year ago, "Claire G. in California" wrote to bring awareness to a program called Knitted Knockers. Its members knit or crochet soft, lightweight prostheses for breast cancer survivors, and provide them at no cost to women who need them. A few weeks ago, I received this follow-up:
DEAR ABBY: Our whole world changed when you printed our letter last December. We now support more than 450 medical clinics nationwide. We are in 16 countries and give away 1,000 knockers a month free to women, provided by literally thousands of volunteer knitters and crocheters! The testimonies we receive from women who have received them, as well as those making them, are touching. Many tell us their lives have been changed.
Much of this occurred because of the huge response generated by the letter Dear Abby published on Dec. 6, 2016. Ten thousand knockers were given out as a result of that letter, and hundreds of knitters and crocheters signed up to help their own communities. It took us three months to "dig out" from that huge response, but we did it.
Thank you, Abby, for making a difference in this challenging world we live in. -- BARBARA D. IN WASHINGTON
DEAR BARBARA: You're welcome, and thank you for the update. Readers who are interested can go to knittedknockers.org and learn more about this worthwhile program, or volunteer to be a creator of these wonderful gifts of comfort and dignity.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been hosting my in-laws for the holidays and really do enjoy it. However, one of them has picked up a respiratory virus. It wouldn't be a big deal, except no matter how often I talk about how important it is to cough into sleeves (rather than hands), they don't do it. They walk into the kitchen coughing and covering their mouths with their hands, then touch the food, the dishes, the cabinet doors and my infant's hands, face and food.
I mentioned it to my husband because I think it's his place to say something, since my "kind reminders" and hints didn't work. How can I handle this tactfully and without offending? -- COLD AND FLU SEASON
DEAR COLD AND FLU SEASON: It is a big deal. You didn't mention whether your baby has picked up any viruses from his/her grandparents, but if it hasn't happened, you are lucky. Tell them that if either one of them is exhibiting cold symptoms to please not come over until they are well again.
DEAR ABBY: I was divorced more than 10 years ago. When I'm filling out forms, do I still have to check the box for divorced? I feel I am more happily single than unhappily divorced. -- HAPPILY SINGLE
DEAR HAPPILY: Your current state of mind has no bearing on this. If the forms are legal or medical in nature, it would be wrong to lie about your status, so tell the truth.