DEAR READERS: Well, 2017 is at an end. Out with the old year, and in with the new one. Please accept my heartfelt good wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2018. And -- as I caution you every year -- if you are partying tonight, PLEASE be safe! Appoint a designated driver and remind that person to drive defensively. -- LOVE, ABBY
Animal Advocate Says Waste Lures Wildlife Into Danger
DEAR ABBY: I am president and co-founder of the Wildlife Center of Virginia, one of the leading teaching and research hospitals for wildlife medicine in the world. We have treated more than 70,000 wild patients since our organization was established 35 years ago. Like the reader ("An Apple a Day," Aug. 11) who is under the impression that throwing an apple core out the car window is doing something positive for the Earth, many individuals make "little" decisions without considering the unintended consequences.
The example of the apple core has been at the heart of our education program for more than three decades. Before throwing that apple core out the window believing that some small animal will come finish what's left, people should consider what will happen if the animal coming to eat their scraps happens to be on the other side of the road.
Throwing out that apple core will lure that creature into harm's way. Countless opossums, raccoons, skunks and other small mammals are killed every day because of human food waste on the shoulder of the road. And it doesn't stop there. Predators like owls also suffer. They hunt along the side of the road, not because they eat apple cores, but because they eat the mice, voles and other small animals who are attracted to feed on that apple core. Then, when the opossum, raccoon or owl is killed by a car, scavengers are attracted to the pavement, where their lives, too, are at risk.
If readers want to help the Earth, they should take their waste home and dispose of it or recycle it properly. The small act of throwing an apple core out of a car window can cost the lives of the very creatures they claim to want to help. -- EDWARD CLARK, WAYNESBORO, VA.
DEAR MR. CLARK: When that letter appeared, I received a flurry of mail about it. Many readers touched on some of the points you have expressed. Thank you for writing so eloquently to educate my readers -- and me. Lesson learned.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 29 and I'm having trouble holding down a steady job. I am a college graduate, and it's not because I don't like to work. My problem is I have a strong personality and I tend to butt heads with management. Deep down, I think I'll only be satisfied with a job if I'm the boss or own my own business. Do you have any suggestions about positions for someone who can't handle having a boss? -- MISS INDEPENDENT IN THE BRONX
DEAR MISS INDEPENDENT: No. Unless someone has rich parents or a magic lamp, most people have to work for -- or with -- others until they build enough capital to start a business. Even then, business owners must interact with clients they don't always agree with. Because you tend to butt heads with those in management positions, you would be wise to start working on becoming more patient and less dogmatic. Both qualities will help you in the future if you can develop them.
Cheating Partner Shifts Blame for Collapse of Relationship
DEAR ABBY: My partner of 11 years has decided he is no longer in love with me. He says it's because he thinks I cheated on him. I have told him repeatedly that it didn't happen, which is the truth.
Long story short, he says he wants us to start over as friends and see where things go because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. However, he's sleeping with a 22-year-old here in the home we share. I love him so much that it hurts. When I tell him every day that I love him, he tells me he knows. Our relationship hasn't been a bed of roses, but we did have good times when we were able to do things together. Should I hold out for him, or tell him the "friends" thing is not going to work and cut ties altogether? -- CONFUSED AND LOST GUY
DEAR GUY: I don't blame you for feeling confused and lost, considering the mixed messages you have been getting from your partner. What you are experiencing now is, of course, painful. He is making excuses for wanting to trade you in for a newer model. This is why he is accusing you of having done something that he is doing under your nose.
The only true confession he has uttered is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. That is your cue to head for the door, unless, of course, the roof over your head belongs to you. If your home is rented or jointly owned, other arrangements will have to be made. But for the sake of your sanity, do not live with him under these conditions, or he will make you old before your time.
DEAR ABBY: My family includes a niece and her husband with three kids ranging in age from 8 months to 7 years old. The middle child, a 5-year-old girl, is allowed to choose her own outfits for family gatherings and school, with appalling results. Her hair, which is long and tangled, goes unbrushed. Her ill-fitting clothes are worn and inappropriate for the weather and school. When I discussed it with her parents, their answer fell flat.
Because she's learning to dress herself without parental guidance, she's not learning what's appropriate. When they came for Thanksgiving dinner the child showed up in summer clothes -- sleeveless top, thin cotton skirt, etc. By the end of the evening, she appeared ill.
I'm surprised neglect charges haven't been filed against the parents. Any suggestions to get across to them that their parenting style is lacking? -- WORRIED RELATIVE
DEAR WORRIED: Your dilemma isn't how to get across to the parents that they need to teach their child better fashion choices. If that little girl is going around with tangled hair and summer clothes in cold weather, it may be that her parents are unable or unwilling to give her the basics. I, too, am surprised that the school hasn't contacted Child Protective Services to do a welfare check. Since they haven't, you should talk to these parents again and voice your concerns.
Patient's Romantic Feelings for Doctor Cause Confusion
DEAR ABBY: I started seeing a new doctor six months ago to be treated for a serious medical condition. I respect his medical opinion and the fact that many doctors treating my condition would be judgmental and lack compassion. He has offered both.
While I appreciate his skills as a doctor, I have started to develop romantic feelings for him. I realize telling him would put him in an awkward position and possibly jeopardize our professional relationship because of the ethical implications. I don't want to move on to another doctor because I value his services. How do I get over it? -- ANONYMOUSLY IN LOVE
DEAR IN LOVE: Your romantic feelings for your doctor are not as unusual as you may think. When a person needs ongoing medical care as you do, it's natural to feel vulnerable and dependent. When that happens, something called "transference" can occur. The emotions associated with one person -- such as a parent -- become transferred to the doctor. If you keep this in mind, it may help you to better handle your emotions.
Generosity of Wealthy Parents Is Nobody's Business
DEAR ABBY: I was adopted at a year old by loving parents. Through a lifetime of hard work, they have become wealthy. Their generosity allowed my husband and me to buy our first home and start married life debt-free.
My problem is, their community and friends, including some of my husband's and my own, often feel compelled to bring the subject up. I always thought it was rude to ask questions about other people's finances, and I don't know how to respond to their intrusive questions.
I'm very aware of our unique situation, and I'm extremely grateful to my parents for the generosity we have received. How do I respond to friends and acquaintances when they bring up such a sensitive subject? -- GRATEFUL IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR GRATEFUL: Remember this. You do not have to answer every question that is asked of you. When questions about your home or finances are raised, reply, "That's very personal. My parents are generous, and my husband and I are grateful." PERIOD!
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I disagree about how to handle taking our children shopping with us. I believe that, especially while our children are small (they are 3 and 5), the adult with them should keep them in sight at all times, or at least the majority of the time. If a child moves out of eyesight, the adult should find them within a minute. Are there guidelines on what is appropriate by age or developmental stage on this issue? -- HELICOPTER MOM AND FREE RANGE DAD
DEAR HELICOPTER MOM: Your husband is an optimist, while you are a realist. Common sense should prevail. When you take your children to a public place, they should remain under your or your husband's supervision at all times until they are aware enough that they can't be lured away by a stranger, and big enough to fight off a predator.