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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 40 years. Like most people, we've had our good times and bad, but we've both been committed to the marriage, and so we've made it work.

Now I'm faced with a problem for which I see no solution. My husband refuses to learn to use a computer. He knows nothing about computers, not even how to turn one on!

As you know, computers are now key to even the most fundamental tasks. That means, as the only computer user in the house, all tasks are my responsibility. Banking, bill paying, communication with family, friends, lawyers, financial advisers, arrangements for social events, business meetings, medical appointments, travel and other activities are totally up to me. He does none of it! He washes the dishes and takes out the trash, but any function that requires brains and technology are totally left to me.

I'm tired! Is this fair? I've asked many times for him to go to our public library and take lessons on computer use, but he adamantly refuses. How do I handle this? -- IT'S ALL ON ME IN NEW YORK

DEAR ALL ON YOU: After 40 years you are not going to change your husband, so appreciate the things he does do. I know you're tired and it may not seem fair, but grit your teeth and forge ahead.

You have no idea how lucky you really are. Many wives know little or nothing about the family finances. If something unforeseen happens to their husbands, they are left scrambling to learn about realities for which they are not equipped.

P.S. Consider asking your husband what he would do in the case of your sudden death. He, too, would be left completely adrift. It couldn't hurt to warn him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow, and I often dine out with my youngest son. Invariably, because I have a 25-year-old man with me and no husband, we are shown to an undesirable table in the restaurant. Usually, I say nothing.

This evening, we were escorted to a room way in the back of a large restaurant (two-thirds full). The only other occupants were a couple with two small children who looked to be about 2 or 3. When I requested a different table, my son was furious. He said what I had done was rude.

We were moved to another table. It was between the hostess station and the kitchen door. I sat there and said nothing. This was an expensive restaurant, and our bill was more than $100. Was I rude? I would appreciate your opinion. -- NEW SEAT IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEW SEAT: Your son was mistaken. To ask to be seated at a table in a different part of the restaurant was not rude; it was your prerogative. If you preferred a location in the front of the place rather than near the kitchen or a family with small children, you should have repeated your request. And if the host or hostess had a problem with it, you should have left and enjoyed dinner at a restaurant more accommodating than that one.

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