DEAR READERS: It's time for my annual reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday, so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour at bedtime tonight. And while you're at it, change the batteries in your smoke alarms/detectors. That's what I'll be doing.
Food Gives Overweight Teen an Escape From Depression
DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old granddaughter is an emotional eater and has gained a lot of weight. When she was quite young, her mother walked out, and that rejection, combined with her dad laying a lot of the household responsibility on her, makes her anxious and depressed. Her dad isn't great with the whole "feelings" thing, and I live 800 miles away and can be supportive only from afar.
I buy her most of her clothing, and she's now so large she can't fit into most of the trendy stores' plus-sizes. Another family member recently called her fat -- which, of course, made her feel awful and drove her to bury her feelings with more food. How can I help her take better care of herself without making her feel even worse? -- CONCERNED NANNY FROM AFAR
DEAR CONCERNED NANNY: The challenges your granddaughter is facing cannot be resolved from afar, regardless of how much you may wish to. She needs a caring female influence in her life. A way to teach her healthy habits and help boost her self-esteem might be to invite her to live with you if you are able.
Postcard Club Reaches out to Friends Next Door and Around the World
DEAR ABBY: We are members of a postcard club living in a nursing home in Ontario, Canada. We reach out to other nursing homes all over the world, sending them homemade postcards. We have made connections with neighboring communities and across the globe. We have also sent cards to the queen and our former prime minister -- and received letters from both in return!
We have a group here who gather together to read Dear Abby letters. We then give our opinion/response, and finish by reading your actual reply. We get a huge kick out of comparing our answers and advice to yours. It's a beloved program here at our residence and has been for years. Just thought you'd like to know. -- HAPPY OLDIES IN CANADA
DEAR HAPPY OLDIES: You thought correctly, and thank you for writing to let me know. The original artwork on your postcard is charming, and it's easy to see why you have made friends worldwide. With every effort you make, you are spreading good will.
The concept of a Dear Abby discussion group has resonated for many years in places where people gather to make interesting conversation -- from the water cooler to senior centers. I hope you will continue to enjoy participating for many years to come.
DEAR ABBY: After 24 years of unhappy marriage, my wife informed me that she married me only out of guilt. I'm sorely tempted to bail. Your thoughts? -- UNHAPPY IN THE SOUTH
DEAR UNHAPPY: After nearly a quarter of a century of misery, my thought is that you both have probably suffered enough.
Girl Sees Red Flags in Her Online Friendship Overseas
DEAR ABBY: I met this guy through a dating site. We began chatting and hit it off. We talk almost every day, and have Skyped a few times. We've been getting closer and closer. I really like him, and he has told me he feels the same.
The thing is, I'm not sure if he's telling me the truth. We live in different countries, and for all I know, he could have a girlfriend and be messing with me. I also don't know how to tell my parents. They don't support online dating, and they don't think I'm ready for a relationship. Please help me. I'm really confused. -- CHATTING FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY
DEAR CHATTING: It is hard to keep emotions in check and think clearly when the adrenaline is pumping and our hearts are beating a mile a minute.
Because you are a minor, you have to respect your parents' decisions until such time as they agree you're ready for a relationship. A way to earn their trust and prove that you are mature enough would be to be honest about what you are doing and thinking, rather than sneak around hoping to slip something by them. When that time comes, finding someone closer to home, somebody you can introduce to them in person will make your life easier. In the meantime, concentrate on school and the opportunities it provides.
Friend's Generous Wedding Gift Becomes an Unhappy Burden
DEAR ABBY: A good friend of my husband's, "Eric," offered us a very generous wedding present. It was something we needed in our home, and he told us he would like to build it for us. Time went on, the project was delayed and my husband offered him numerous opportunities to back out. Each time the friend continued to support his offer. When it was finally finished, Eric admitted it had pushed him beyond capacity.
It has become obvious that Eric feels resentful, and now he's holding his generosity over my husband's head. He recently asked my husband to help with a project in his own home, and when my husband couldn't do it that week, the conflict came to a head.
My husband has reached out trying to explain that he wants to help his friend, but he needs to plan for it. We haven't heard back from Eric, and my husband is very sad. I'm good friends with Eric's wife, and this conflict has made it uncomfortable for us to see each other.
I want to mediate, but it's difficult to objectively step back and see where my husband has wronged and needs to make amends. I realize that nothing in life is black and white, and I need an unbiased perspective on how we can move forward. -- GOOD FRIENDS
DEAR GOOD FRIENDS: I agree that few things in life are black and white, but after reading your letter, I can't see how Eric was wronged. Your husband didn't refuse to help with the project; he just said he couldn't do it unless it was scheduled in advance.
I don't know why Eric is nursing a grudge and neither do you. Not all friendships last forever. That's why, if you are smart, you will refrain from inserting yourself in the middle of this.
Wife Refuses to Accept Job as Family's Communicator
DEAR ABBY: My husband is a nice guy, but he's not particularly good at planning ahead. This means that special events, holidays and birthdays often go unmarked because he doesn't remember in time to get something sent.
In my parents' marriage, all family communications fell to my mom. It was her job to send the Christmas cards, birthday gifts for nieces and nephews and to remember her mother and her mother-in-law on Mother's Day. Our marriage is more egalitarian, and I don't want the job of communicator-in-chief.
My husband knows this and agrees that he should share some responsibility, but doesn't act on it, even after being reminded. I feel guilty when an important milestone in one of his parents' lives goes by and they receive no acknowledgement from our household. The source of my guilt is surely the nagging feeling that it's my job as the wife to make these connections and that I am judged when the things are not sent.
How do I let go of the guilt, or at least let my in-laws know I love them and their son is the one who is letting them down? I want absolution. -- NO CALENDAR GIRL IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR NO CALENDAR GIRL: Not everyone excels at every task. That's why there is division of labor in partnerships, including marriage. If you think you will look better after explaining to your in-laws that the reason they haven't heard from the two of you is their son didn't remember, you are dreaming. Because you are better at planning ahead, deal with the chore. I'm sure he does things for you that are a pain in the neck (and even below). In this day of automation, sending "something" to relatives is practically a no-brainer. And it certainly beats feeling guilty because your husband isn't up to it.
Self-Inflicted Illnesses Earn Parents Little Sympathy
DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their late 60s and suffer from multiple lifestyle-related illnesses. Although they had every opportunity to make healthy changes, they chose not to. I live on the other side of the country, and I am busy with my career and family.
I love my parents and accept our relationship for what it is. However, I do not feel obligated to disrupt my life and upset my children to be with them as they die slow, painful deaths. If their illnesses were not directly related to their own poor choices, I might feel and behave differently toward them. Knowing it won't change their behavior, should I tell them why I won't be with them for what appears will be prolonged and terrible deaths? -- SADDENED BY THEIR CHOICES
DEAR SADDENED: If your parents are as sick as you have indicated, they already feel terrible. I see nothing to be gained by adding emotional pain to their physical pain. Put aside your anger and find enough compassion to not say it unless asked directly.