DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their late 60s and suffer from multiple lifestyle-related illnesses. Although they had every opportunity to make healthy changes, they chose not to. I live on the other side of the country, and I am busy with my career and family.
I love my parents and accept our relationship for what it is. However, I do not feel obligated to disrupt my life and upset my children to be with them as they die slow, painful deaths. If their illnesses were not directly related to their own poor choices, I might feel and behave differently toward them. Knowing it won't change their behavior, should I tell them why I won't be with them for what appears will be prolonged and terrible deaths? -- SADDENED BY THEIR CHOICES
DEAR SADDENED: If your parents are as sick as you have indicated, they already feel terrible. I see nothing to be gained by adding emotional pain to their physical pain. Put aside your anger and find enough compassion to not say it unless asked directly.