DEAR VETERANS: For your service to our nation, I salute you. My thanks to each of you, as well as to the brave men and women still on active duty, some of whom are in harm's way. You are the personification of patriotism and self-sacrifice for your dedication to our country. I would also like to recognize your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made. -- Love, ABBY
Three-Year Age Difference Complicates Teenage Crush
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl and a junior in high school. I have a crush on a guy who's 14 and a freshman. I know age gaps don't matter as much later on, but the difference between 17 and 14 can be drastic. "Jake" is really sweet, and he's as interested in me as I am in him (unlike the boys in my grade).
I'm friends with Jake's sister "Julie," who's a year older than me and a senior. Julie has made it clear she doesn't like the idea of a romantic relationship between Jake and me because Jake is only 14.
What can I do? Should I ignore this crush? I have judged people who have dated despite age gaps. (For example, a senior boy dating a sophomore girl.) But now I understand it. If the girl is older, does that complicate things?
I don't want to be seen as creepy or gross, but, to be honest, I'm not that experienced romantically or socially myself. (I have never even been to a real party.) Must I forget my feelings and move on, or do I talk to Julie and try to pursue this? -- TEEN CRUSH
DEAR TEEN CRUSH: Julie has already given you her answer. As you have pointed out, there is a bias against dating someone so much younger, and it could cause you problems not only with your peers, but also with the law if your relationship were to become sexual when you turn 18. That's why I'm suggesting you turn your romantic interests elsewhere. When you're both adults, if you're still interested, you can pursue a romantic relationship then.
Mom Is Left off Wedding Guest List After She Threatens to Object
DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are being married in a few days. We are expecting our first child a few days after that. The problem is my mother. We decided on a small ceremony, but my mother is opposed to the marriage because she doesn't like the idea of me marrying -- not just my fiance, but anyone. She has always told me a man will leave me destitute, pregnant with too many kids, and I won't be able to take care of myself. She has repeated it since I was about 10.
Because she has threatened to object at the ceremony, we decided not to invite her. We have invited his parents and my father and stepmother. Mom has said she will not allow my child to see her grandfather because "he is a bad person." She may have good intentions, but dictating who can be around my child is not her choice, considering she has had little to no contact with him in 25 years.
I wish she could be at our wedding, but she has now distanced herself from me and my fiance. Should I let her cool off and hope she comes around, or accept that this is the path she has chosen? Please advise, Abby. -- PROBLEM MOTHER IN KENTUCKY
DEAR PROBLEM MOTHER: Your mother may be anti-marriage because hers failed spectacularly. She appears to be a troubled woman. By all means, let her cool off, but do not allow her to dictate your life. If she does, her anger and bitterness could negatively affect your marriage.
Sister Takes Friend to Task for Missing Brother's Funeral
DEAR ABBY: I missed the funeral of a long-time family friend, "Tom," because I foolishly relied on one of my relatives to let me know when the service was and she didn't. I had to go out of town two days after Tom died, but I should have called someone before I left so I could revise my travel plans. I was so sure my family would let me know.
Out of embarrassment, I compounded the mistake by not contacting Tom's sister when I returned two days later and realized I had missed everything. When I finally spoke with her, she was furious with me, for which I don't blame her. When I tried to explain, she misconstrued everything I tried to say and accused me of "just making excuses." She went on and on for so long I was shocked by how upset she was.
I'm not an important person to Tom's family even though he was special to me, so I'm not sure why she's so upset with me. I don't know what to do because the more I try to communicate, the more irrational she gets.
I'm mourning Tom, who was like an uncle to me, and I want to make it up to his family. He had been sick for a long time, so his death wasn't a surprise. I see some of his relatives quite often and I don't know how to approach them when I see them next. Any ideas? -- ANGUISHED IN NEW YORK
DEAR ANGUISHED: Attendance at funerals is not compulsory. Your reason for missing Tom's funeral was legitimate. Many people skip funerals because they prefer to remember the deceased as they were instead of in a coffin. Tom's sister is grieving for her brother and taking her pain out on you. What she said was out of line and you do not have to apologize further.
When you see the other family members, extend your condolences, tell them you were out of town at the time of his funeral and that you are sorry you were unable to be there to support them. Period.
Unhappily Married In-Laws Find Solace in Each Other
DEAR ABBY: My husband of 17 years has been cheating on me and is continuing to cheat. His older sister also cheated on her husband for many years with multiple men, so cheating must run in their DNA.
Because of our unhappy marriages, my brother-in-law and I began talking, sharing our pain and regret about marrying the wrong people. Because of our conversations we became friends and soulmates. We both have deep wounds no one else understands. Ultimately, we became physically attracted to each other.
Is it wrong that we are falling in love? Both of us want to be legitimately together, but at the same time we are afraid family around us will reject us. -- CHEATING FAMILY
DEAR CHEATING FAMILY: Why would the family around you reject you? What has happened is understandable. Surely the family is aware that both your spouses have cheated for years. I would, however, caution that it would be better for you two to avoid acting on your physical attraction until after you have both filed for divorce -- not only to protect each other's reputations but also because cheating does not run in your DNA.
As Boyfriend's Hair Disappears, So Does Woman's Attraction
DEAR ABBY: My physical attraction to my boyfriend has significantly diminished due to his baldness. I know this may seem shallow, but I have lost all interest in intimate contact with him. When I look at his bald head or he rests his head on my shoulder, it literally makes my stomach lurch!
Our romance began 20 years ago when he still had hair. It fell out two years ago. I still have feelings for him, but I don't know how to get past this. I have tried turning out the lights and even imagining I'm with somebody else. I'm sure other women feel the same way I do. He tries to conceal his baldness by doing the "flip over" thing with his side hair, so I know he's self-conscious about it. But I am so turned off.
Can you give me some advice? I haven't said anything because I don't want to offend him. I am upset and discouraged and no longer look forward to seeing him because of this. It would be an awful reason to leave him, yet I can't stand looking at his head! -- TURNED OFF IN CINCINNATI
DEAR TURNED OFF: Ask yourself whether you are turned off by your boyfriend's baldness, or whether it's his attempt to hide it with the unconvincing comb-over. If it's the latter, the solution might be for him to go the way of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or Vin Diesel and shave his head. However, if you truly can't handle the fact that his locks have flown, then do him -- and yourself -- a favor and turn him loose so he can find a lady who appreciates him for what's going on under his scalp rather than over it.
Someone once said, "You can fool Mother Nature, but you can't fool Father Time." Aging, and the consequences it brings, happens to women as well as men. Keep that in mind as you consider jumping back into the dating pool.
Sudden Case of Sticky Fingers Is Shocking Change in Friend's Behavior
DEAR ABBY: I am a 51-year-old married woman. I have a friend who is 68 and divorced. We have a great time together joking and laughing. However, lately I have noticed changes in her behavior that are alarming enough that I'm reconsidering our relationship.
An example: Today we went to a flea market and I watched her pick up and try on a ring. Then she pretended to return it, palmed the ring and slipped it into her pocket. I was shocked. I thought I was seeing things, but it happened a second time -- this time with a heart pendant. Next she stole a bottle of hand lotion, which were three for $1.
I know she has money, but she's also cheap. I am appalled by her behavior and don't know what to do. Do I tell her I caught her, or let it go and not shop with her again? I don't want to be associated with a thief. Help! -- NOT THE SAME IN THE EAST
DEAR NOT THE SAME: I, too, am concerned about what you saw, and no longer shopping with this friend is a good idea. Does she have children you can contact? Because these are "alarming changes" in the woman's personality, she may need a physical and neurological examination to make sure she's not seriously ill.