DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rob," and I are at odds and your response may affect whether we stay together or not. I had a miscarriage a week ago. I was only seven weeks pregnant, but it was still something real for me.
My husband's niece's birthday was over the weekend. I made it clear that I didn't want to drive (three hours!) and be around people after what happened. When he told me it didn't matter, that it was his niece's birthday, I lost it on him. After driving him to his sister's, I left and drove myself home.
He says I'm overreacting and said that I was OK with it earlier in the week. I explained how hurt I was that he'd insist on going and also that he couldn't stand up for me and explain that I was too emotional and upset to attend her birthday. He can't grasp why I'm so hurt by this. AM I overreacting, and am I crazy for feeling the way I feel? -- FEELING DOWN IN THE SOUTH
DEAR FEELING DOWN: I'm sorry for your loss. You're not overreacting and you're not crazy. However, some people are unable to grasp how deeply a miscarriage in the early months of a pregnancy can affect the mother-to-be psychologically and physically. Unfortunately, Rob appears to be one of them.
You didn't mention whether you told your sister-in-law why you didn't feel up to celebrating, but if you didn't, you should have because she probably would have understood and let you off the hook. You also should have stayed home, not driven six hours round-trip to drop Rob off in your fragile condition.
If this continues to cause problems in your marriage, perhaps your clergyperson (if you have one) or a marriage counselor can help you get the message across to your husband.