DEAR ABBY: I have read your column since I was a little girl. Now, at 35, I need your advice.
For years, a friend of mine was in love with me. I didn't want to ruin the friendship by getting into a relationship, so I'd brush off his advances.
After six years, I realized he was a good man who would do anything for me, so I decided to go on a date. The date led to marriage, but now, five years later, we are divorced because I realized we were better off as friends rather than spouses.
He was OK with the divorce and moving out because he knew I would be happier, and he wanted me to be happy. Now that he's gone, I am sad that I have lost my friend. I miss the friendship we once had, and I'm heartbroken. It feels like I have suffered a death. Can you please help me? I'm not sure what to do. -- LOST OUT WEST
DEAR LOST: In a sense, you HAVE suffered a death -- the death of your marriage. Give yourself time to grieve.
If you thought that after divorcing your husband you could go back to being friends as though the marriage never happened, you were unrealistic. From his perspective, he has been rejected on a very basic level. In order to get past it, he may need time and distance from you. That's understandable.
In the meantime, stay busy with friends and projects because that will give you less time to brood. If you're not exercising, start now. Regular exercise can help to lessen depression. However, if your sadness persists, discuss it with a licensed psychotherapist so it doesn't become chronic.