DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years slapped me across the face a few nights ago. He has never done that before, and he promised he'd never do it again. After he hit me he immediately apologized, but said I was partly at fault because I had taunted and belittled him. I love him very much and know he would never want to hurt me.
We're both in our 20s and have expressed our devout love for each other. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy and truly makes me a happier person, but I don't know if I can fully trust and be in love with him after he hit me. I feel partly responsible for what happened that night, but I know I didn't deserve to be hit.
Is my boyfriend an abuser? He has been nothing but caring and supportive and shows no other signs of being abusive. What should I do? -- TAKEN ABACK OUT WEST
DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Let me point out that abusers do not start out relationships by being that way. But once slapping starts, it often escalates to pushing, hitting and more serious violence. One of the hallmarks of an abuser is blaming the victim by saying he/she deserved it, and it is a big, red warning sign.
Because you have said that your boyfriend has never shown any other signs of being abusive in your three-year relationship, consider this incident an unfortunate one-time occurrence. But keep your eyes wide open in case it wasn't.