TO MY JEWISH READERS: Passover begins at sundown. Happy Passover, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY
In-Laws Demand Too Much Time From Hard-Working Son
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ed," and I are in our 40s. We both work, and Ed often puts in more than 60 hours a week. My in-laws, in their 60s, are both in good health, retired and well-off financially. They expect weekly gatherings unless they have other plans.
In warmer weather, my mother-in-law guilt-trips Ed into performing weekly chores such as painting, gardening, window washing, etc. These take more than six hours on Sundays, in addition to dinner.
My in-laws also insist on yearly family vacations. Because of this we have little time alone with our teens or each other. I don't think all these gatherings should be mandatory. Please help. This is hurting our marriage. -- HIGHLY STRESSED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR HIGHLY STRESSED: During one of those mandatory family visits, you and your husband should tell his parents what you have told me. Unless you explain to them that they have you on a schedule that doesn't permit you to spend alone time with your children or each other, they won't get it.
Family get-togethers are supposed to be pleasant for all, not mandatory. And if your in-laws can afford the expense, they should hire a handyman to help them and not impose upon their son.
DEAR ABBY: I have been single for almost six years and have had no luck with the dating scene. Every time I go on a date, I perceive it as a date that went extremely well. But when I go to contact the guy the next day, I get no response in return.
I have major trust issues to begin with from past relationships, and it's hard for me to let my guard down. Although I try to be as open and honest with the guys as possible, it just doesn't work. I know the whole cliche of "the right one is out there somewhere," but what can someone do when she just feels like giving up completely on dating? -- GIVING UP IN STOCKTON, CALIF.
DEAR GIVING UP: The one thing you shouldn't do is give up and stop trying. Not knowing what you are doing on these first dates, I can only surmise that while being "as open and honest with guys as possible," you may be giving them so much negative information that you're scaring them off.
In a way, dating is like sales: It's important to communicate positive information about the product you are selling (you) and downplay the negative (i.e. "I have trust issues because someone done me wrong."). It might also be helpful to have an honest talk with some of your friends and ask them what you may be doing wrong.
Baby's Godmother Is Cut Off for Life After Simple Hello
DEAR ABBY: When my friend became pregnant, her boyfriend didn't stick around to be in the baby's life. The three of us had gone to school together, and they started dating years later. When she asked me to be the child's godmother, I said yes. The baby is 5 months old now.
While I was out at a bar recently, I ran into the boyfriend. My friend is now mad at me because I said hello to him. She thinks I should have ignored him, given him a dirty look or had words with him in public, but that's not me.
She's now saying she never wants to talk to me or see me again. She told me to have a good life! I know she's bitter, but I feel that was a little extreme. What should I do? -- CONFUSED GODMOTHER
DEAR CONFUSED: Frankly, I think you should take this vindictive individual at her word until she apologizes. If you do as I suggest, there will be far less turmoil and drama in your life.
Man Wants a Piece of the Action on Girlfriend's Weekend Rentals
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I each own our homes and have about the same mortgage payment. She ends up staying with me most of the time because I live closer to where we both work.
I recently found out that she has been Airbnbing her condo a lot of the weekends when she stays with me. I feel taken advantage of even though it doesn't really affect me whether her place is empty or she's getting rent.
What is the etiquette on such an arrangement? Should I be getting a cut? I feel if I told her I wanted to stay at her place and rent out mine, she would want some of the money. -- WEEKEND ROOMIES
DEAR WEEKEND ROOMIES: There is no rule of etiquette governing whether you're entitled to some of the income she receives from renting out her place while she's visiting you. Discuss this with your entrepreneurial girlfriend and see how she feels about sharing the wealth. Her reaction will give insight into her character.
DEAR ABBY: I am an elementary school teacher, and I have noticed that many of my colleagues come to work when they're sick. Taking time away from work to recover from an illness seems to be viewed as weakness. We have sick days, but they are proud of the fact that they don't use them.
These coworkers wear their illnesses like badges of honor -- as if coming to work sick somehow shows their dedication. I feel it is inconsiderate to the children and to other staff members who are forced to spend hours with them in enclosed spaces exposed to their germs.
I'm not sure how to express my feelings without causing a rift because one of the worst offenders is the principal. Any suggestions? -- SICK & TIRED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SICK & TIRED: Just this: You are entitled to air your feelings about this with other staff members in the teachers' lounge. However, if you think your principal might retaliate if you complain about his/her lack of consideration, make a point of keeping your distance when your boss shows any symptoms of something contagious.
Married Woman Can't Resist When Lover Wants to Meet
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 36-year-old woman who is in a loveless marriage. We do not spend time together, nor do we have sex. For the past four years I have had an on-again, off-again affair with a guy from my church. He's 10 years younger and everything I have ever wanted.
My No. 1 problem is that I know adultery is wrong and goes against everything I have ever believed in. I always tell myself that this is the last time, but when he wants to meet again I don't have the strength to say no. (We have everything going for us in the physical department, but I know we'd never have a lasting relationship.)
I'm not writing to ask if what I'm doing is wrong because I know it is. I'm writing because I need your help/advice on how to say no when you are in love with the person, but don't want them to know!
My lover lost his virginity to me, and I'm having trouble understanding why he still wants to be with me after all of this time. Is it because I'm just easy and he knows he can have sex with no commitment, or does he actually care about me but knows he can't have me all to himself? I am ashamed about my behavior and looking for a way to ... JUST SAY NO
DEAR JUST SAY NO: You may be attracted to your lover because you are essentially alone in your marriage. There is a solution for your problems, but it won't be pleasant. Tell your husband what has been going on and why, and end the marriage, which appears to have been over for a long time.
Once the smoke clears, ask your lover the questions about his intentions that you mentioned to me, and then decide whether to continue seeing him. He may be in love with you, but if he is, the question of whether you love him or whether he's just a convenience remains. Of this I am certain: You are not his sex slave -- and when you think you have a better option, you WILL find the way to "just say no."
DEAR ABBY: I work at a large suburban hospital, and there's an issue that needs to be addressed. Patients walk around with their butts exposed! Patients are always given a second gown to use as a robe, but many of them decide not to use it.
Abby, these are all alert, oriented people. In addition to staff, there are visitors (including children) and other patients walking in the halls.
When someone runs up behind them to give them the second gown, these are some of the responses we are given: "Let 'em look!" (No one wants to.) "There's nothing to look at." (Yes, there is, and no one wants to.) "I've got nothing anyone wants to see." (Then why are you showing it off?) "No one cares about my butt." (That's right, and no one wants to see it.) "I'm not modest." (We're grossed out.) "This is a hospital; why does it matter?" (So, everyone should just walk around naked?)
How do you think we should address this? -- NO BUTTS, PLEASE
DEAR NO BUTTS: "Address" it by informing patients that wearing both gowns is a hospital rule. That would be a start. If you are asked why, tell the person that it's to prevent visitors and other patients from being offended by the sight of someone's uncovered "gluteus maximi." And if anyone gives you an argument, tell the person that's the way it is -- no ifs, ands or buts.