DEAR ABBY: I work and live in an ethnically and religiously diverse community. There is also a welcoming and open LGBT community here.
While I was having lunch with a new employee, she mentioned that she was married. My first thought was that she was married to a woman, but later it sounded like her spouse was male. I didn't want to be rude so I kept my mouth shut. Is it ever OK to ask the gender of someone's spouse? -- POLITE BUT CONFUSED IN OREGON
DEAR POLITE: I don't think so. It would be more tactful to ask the person her spouse's name. However, if the name is gender-neutral, then you should wait till you know the woman better for the answer. Time will tell, even if your co-worker doesn't.