DEAR ABBY: Four years ago I had major affection for a man. We talked every chance we could. We arranged times we could sit together and just talk. There was lots of flirting, eye contact, and this overwhelming feeling of bliss -- butterflies in the stomach -- all of that.
The problem was he was married. Once I realized it, I was devastated because I understood what I wanted could never be. I feel so lost. I'm now considering going to counseling.
I still hear from others that he mentions me or says he misses me, but this is old news. Now there's someone else, and it's the same problem -- just a different setting.
I feel so guilty for crushing on unattainable men. What's wrong with me? Why can't I like someone who is available? I've liked guys my own age before, and ones who were single, but there's something exciting about older unavailable men.
I don't want to feel this way, but I know that when I try to fight these feelings they just become stronger. I won't act on them, but I wish I could change them. How can I? -- FEELING GUILTY IN OHIO
DEAR FEELING GUILTY: The quickest way to do that would be to talk about these feelings with a licensed mental health professional. When you do, be prepared to touch on all of your relationships with men, including your father -- who is usually the first "unattainable" man with whom a little girl falls in love. I am pretty sure you will find that conversation illuminating.
Once you understand your feelings, it may be easier for you to find a man who is truly available -- if a relationship beyond a mad flirtation is what you really want, that is.