TO MY READERS: Today's the day for wearing something green! A very happy St. Patrick's Day to you all. -- LOVE, ABBY
Wife Has Doubts About Man Donating Sperm to His Brother
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a 19-month-old son and plan on trying for another baby soon. My husband's brother, who is sterile, called and asked my husband to donate sperm to him. I am very upset because my husband refuses to ask his brother to make any kind of compromises to protect our family and theirs, such as counseling to resolve any issues ahead of time.
Before we were serious about each other, my husband donated to his brother's first wife. His brother wanted to keep it a secret from everyone -- including the children -- but his wife told all of her friends.
What should I do? My husband is afraid he's going to lose his brother if he doesn't give him everything he wants, but the person he is really going to lose is me. -- CONFUSED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR CONFUSED: I hope you won't let your husband's generous impulses have a negative impact on your marriage. I agree that counseling could help to head off future problems that might crop up -- if your husband and his brother would agree to it. But while you're at it, this should also be discussed with a lawyer just in case your brother-in-law's second marriage goes south, too.
As to keeping all of this a secret -- because wife No. 1 has made public the fact that the children aren't biologically his, the chances of the information being kept secret are slim to none.
Dreams of Winning the Lottery Spark Gift-Giving Debate
DEAR ABBY: Since the lottery for the big jackpot was in the news, my co-workers and I have discussed the etiquette regarding sharing the winnings with whomever may have given you the ticket. For instance, if somebody has an uncle who gives lottery tickets as a gift on birthdays or holidays as opposed to a standard gift, and the recipient hits the winning numbers, is there a fixed percentage that's customary to give?
None of us is actually in this situation; it just became part of our discussion. Thanks for your input. -- OFFICE HOT TOPIC
DEAR HOT TOPIC: Once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient. The recipient would be under no obligation to share the winnings with the person who gifted him or her with the ticket, nor should it be expected. However, if the gift giver does expect a percentage, then this should be worked out before the drawing.
Gay Teen Has Trouble Palling Around With Old Friends
DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and I'm a lesbian. I've told my friends, but they don't accept me. They say they do, but when I talk about other girls, they say, "Don't talk about girls around us. We're not gay!" I don't know what to do. Please help. -- LGBT IN GEORGIA
DEAR LGBT: Your friends probably do accept you, but would prefer not to hear all the details you feel the need to share. It's time you find a youth group for gay teenagers. Go online, visit lgbtcenters.org and search for the nearest gay and lesbian community center in your area. If you do, you will see that the support you are looking for isn't hard to find. I wish you luck.
Booklet Full of 'Keepers' Is Sure to Give Pleasure
DEAR ABBY: I have lost my copy of the "Letter From Your Pet," the essay that is written from the pet's viewpoint to his master, assuring him it is the right thing to do when it is time to put the pet down. Is it included in your "Keepers" booklet? If so, how can I order a copy? -- RUTH IN THE VILLAGES, FLA.
DEAR RUTH: "A Dog's Prayer" by Beth Norman Harris is one of the most requested items that have ever appeared in my column. It addresses not only the pet's end of life, but also how to respectfully treat the animal during its days on earth.
My "Keepers" booklet includes "A Dog's Prayer," as well as amusing and thought-provoking poems and essays on a variety of subjects, ranging from children and parenting, to human nature, houseguests and more. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 in U.S. funds, to: Dear Abby Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Many people have told me that "Keepers" makes a welcome gift for newlyweds, new parents, animal lovers, or anyone who is recovering from an illness. Filled with humor and wisdom, it's an inspiring, positive, quick and easy read for anyone who could use a lift.
Man's Preference for Panties Gives Girlfriend Pause
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend has worn panties since he was 12. We are both 20 and have been together for a year. I know it's odd, but I've always thought it was cute and, admittedly, sexy. We will graduate from college next year and are thinking about our futures.
I've been doing some reading and am concerned that he may have some repressed tendencies. He says he does not, and gets quiet and stubborn and won't discuss it. He always dresses as a female character for Halloween, wearing my undies. This year he went as Lady Gaga.
Are these good-enough reasons to be worried? And if so, what should I do? -- TESTED IN TAMPA
DEAR TESTED: Whether or not you should worry depends upon what you are worried about. I am more concerned that your boyfriend is unwilling to discuss this than what he's wearing under his Levis.
If you're afraid he may not be 100 percent heterosexual, you should know that some straight men wear ladies' panties because they like the way they feel. Also, some men who enjoy cross-dressing have successful marriages to women who aren't threatened by it and who help them do it.
Helpful Husband Encourages Wives to 'Live a Little'
DEAR ABBY: I would like to suggest that some wives be a little less traditional and inhibited. Lighten up! Be just a little bit more adventurous, open-minded and forward -- nothing excessive, mind you. Variety, after all, is the spice of life. What husband wouldn't enjoy an exceptionally nice surprise every once in awhile? -- WISHFUL THINKING IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR WISHFUL THINKING: Inhibitions can be hard to overcome. However, if YOUR wife is among those you are suggesting loosen up (etc.), you should definitely mention it to her and include your "wish list." But don't be shocked if she gives you one, too.
Mom Taking Step Into Dating Is Tripped Up by Daughter
DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mom in my 40s and my daughter is 12. After my last relationship, 10 years ago (not with her father), I took a leave of absence from the dating world to concentrate on myself and being the best mother I could.
Fast-forward: When I attempt to talk to anyone of the opposite sex, my daughter has a fit. She has hidden my car keys and my phone, pouts if I go out and behaves like an all-out brat.
I have reassured her that I love her and always will. Also, I would never allow someone around her if I had any suspicion that he might not be good for her. Nothing works. I have spoken with only one person I would even think of introducing her to, but I am afraid of her attitude.
Abby, what's the best way to enter into the dating world without hurting my child? I want to date, but my child won't let me. -- ENTERING THE DATING WORLD AGAIN
DEAR ENTERING: Your daughter likes things just the way they are and views any disruption as a threat to her lifestyle. The best way to enter into the dating world would be to do it without consulting her. IF and when you meet someone and things become serious, introduce them then -- in a casual way. If she acts up, remember that YOU are the parent.
Your daughter doesn't have to "love" someone because you do. She does, however, have to treat that person with the same respect with which you treat her friends -- and you should insist upon it. You are the parent, and it's up to you to enforce the rules for as long as she lives with you.
Couple's Future Hinges on Woman's Ability to Resolve Past Anger
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I are getting ready to move to a new city in six months (each of us for our own careers) and plan to move in together. Some issues still need to be ironed out before we make that commitment, and my biggest concern is the anger and resentment she carries toward her semi-estranged father.
I understand where it comes from and why, but it worries me to see how quickly and completely it can overwhelm her personality. I lack comparable experience, so I struggle to have constructive conversations with her about it. But I can't accept this poisonous volatility as a feature of our life together. I believe that speaking to someone would help her deal with these feelings in a healthier, more constructive way, but she rejects that idea.
I don't want to bully her into counseling, but I feel like I have to do something before we take this next step, for both our sakes. Would it be wrong to tell her she has to start seeing someone before I commit to moving in together? -- HESITATING IN FLORIDA
DEAR HESITATING: No, it would not be wrong. If your girlfriend's problems with her father bleed over into her relationship with you -- and it appears they have -- it would be a mistake for you to move in together because it won't last.