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by Abigail Van Buren

Wife Has Doubts About Man Donating Sperm to His Brother

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a 19-month-old son and plan on trying for another baby soon. My husband's brother, who is sterile, called and asked my husband to donate sperm to him. I am very upset because my husband refuses to ask his brother to make any kind of compromises to protect our family and theirs, such as counseling to resolve any issues ahead of time.

Before we were serious about each other, my husband donated to his brother's first wife. His brother wanted to keep it a secret from everyone -- including the children -- but his wife told all of her friends.

What should I do? My husband is afraid he's going to lose his brother if he doesn't give him everything he wants, but the person he is really going to lose is me. -- CONFUSED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED: I hope you won't let your husband's generous impulses have a negative impact on your marriage. I agree that counseling could help to head off future problems that might crop up -- if your husband and his brother would agree to it. But while you're at it, this should also be discussed with a lawyer just in case your brother-in-law's second marriage goes south, too.

As to keeping all of this a secret -- because wife No. 1 has made public the fact that the children aren't biologically his, the chances of the information being kept secret are slim to none.

Read more in: Family & Parenting | Marriage & Divorce