DEAR READERS: To those of you living where daylight saving time is observed, I offer this reminder: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour at bedtime tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. Spring is coming!
Overlooked, Underappreciated Student Struggles to Fit In
DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble with my daily life. I have become more reserved and rarely even look at people. All I do is my schoolwork. I have lost trust in quite a few people over the years, including most of my family members. My parents have taught me to trust almost no one and to always be afraid of strangers.
I recently started high school, and I have only talked with two or three people at the most. I have really bad social anxiety, and I'm treated different from my siblings. I'm feeling like my whole life is just a lie and that I'm nothing. I feel like people can't see me -- that I'm invisible to everyone.
My family controls my life as if they are dictators. I've lost control over any decisions I make and anything I do. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost. Please help me! -- LOST IN EL PASO, TEXAS
DEAR LOST: I agree you need help, because I'm sure there's more to your situation -- and possibly your family's -- than you have shared. However, for you to overcome your distrust of others and the feeling that you are "invisible," you will need to confide in a trusted teacher or counselor at school.
You need more help than I can provide in a letter or my column. Licensed mental health providers routinely help individuals who suffer from social anxiety disorder, but in order to get that help, you will have to find the courage to reach out and ask for it.
DEAR ABBY: Last year I started a relationship with a woman. At first everything seemed to flow smoothly, but after a few months we started arguing. We both had issues with irritability and expressing ourselves.
"Nancy" and I broke up seven times in a four-month period. For reasons I have yet to understand, after each breakup and once we had time to cool off, we both wanted to get back together.
We recently went our separate ways again and I thought this was the last time. She has now contacted me and casually proposed getting together to "hang out" for a while. Without batting an eye, I agreed.
I don't know if I'm hung up on her because I'm truly in love with her, or because I'm just unable to move on. As a couple, we work together well -- as long as we aren't together every day. As friends, there's always an undertone of romantic interest.
I can't make heads or tails of my emotions concerning her, or hers for me. Any advice? -- UNABLE TO MOVE ON
DEAR UNABLE TO MOVE ON: Have you discussed this with Nancy? If you haven't, you should. If you both would like more from your relationship than you have been getting, it might benefit the two of you to have some couples counseling.
Sometimes people can be attracted to each other and care about each other, but something prevents the relationship from jelling. Because this push-pull has been going on for so long, it's time to find out the cause.
Mom Prefers Being Home Alone Over Hanging Out With Friends
DEAR ABBY: My son is driving me crazy. He's worried because I don't have friends I hang out with. He said it's not normal for a woman to not want to have friends. I say it is. He said if Dear Abby says I'm OK, he will let it rest.
I work with people between 50 and 70 hours a week. I have more than a thousand townhome and condo residents to deal with, and I receive nonstop complaints day in and day out. On top of that, I must supervise vendors and contractors, answer to several boards, and have up to eight evening meetings a month.
When I finally get home, I don't want to set up a shopping or dinner date with anybody. I want to sit in peace and quiet. I don't want to be around people at all. I'm perfectly happy not having friends. Can you see my point? -- LADY WITH NO PROBLEM
DEAR LADY: I do see your point, but I can also see your son's. By turning this into an either/or situation, you may be talking past each other instead of with each other.
While you crave peace and quiet at the end of the day, he worries that you are isolating yourself. Friendships aren't supposed to drain people; they are supposed to be nurturing. People with rewarding companions they can laugh and commiserate with are happier, less stressed and live longer, so perhaps you should rethink your position.
DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, when I lived in California, I dated the love of my life, "Tammy." We were perfect together, and I was often amazed by how much I loved her, which was palpable.
After about two years we broke up, and I moved 3,000 miles away. My rebound relationship lasted a decade and produced a beautiful baby boy. After it recently ended, I reached out to Tammy. We hadn't communicated in 10 years, and I learned that she is married with three kids and she's miserable.
She said she misses me and has never stopped loving me. We talk on the phone often, and she says she wants to see me. I have no idea where this is going, but I'd love to see her. We have decided that we will abide by your advice. What should I do? -- NOSTALGIC IN NEW YORK
DEAR NOSTALGIC: I'm glad you asked, although I doubt you will heed my advice. Here it is: You and Tammy should postpone any reunions until she has resolved her marital situation because there are more people involved now than just the two of you. Whether she remains in her unhappy marriage is anyone's guess, but if you step in now, it will only add to her troubles.
How to Say Thank You for a Gift That's Expensive but Tacky
DEAR ABBY: How do I respond to a gift when I don't know whether or not it's a gag gift? My sister sent a present that appears to be expensive, but is not only awful, it's also tacky and weird. She has a great sense of humor, but added no card or message that would give us a clue how to appropriately thank her. -- NOT SURE IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR NOT SURE: I recommend you use the old stand-by: "How sweet of you to remember (me, us, our special day, etc.). Thank you for being such a generous sister!"
Sibling Estranged in Life Opts to Remain Estranged in Death
DEAR ABBY: I've been estranged from my three siblings, their spouses and their families for 35 years -- my choice. There has been no correspondence, and I have seen them only at our parents' funerals.
Since we are all in our 80s, I anticipate there will be funerals for us in the next decade. If I go first, there is no problem. However, I'm considering not attending their funerals or those of their spouses. My grown children say I MUST attend because I'm their brother. I'm concerned that I might be a distraction or there could be a confrontation. Besides, I still remember what caused my estrangement and I just don't want to see them. I know I'm stubborn, but am I wrong? -- TO GO OR NOT TO GO
DEAR GO OR NO: I disagree with your children. People attend funerals to pay their respects to the deceased and/or comfort the family who has suffered the loss. If, after 35 years, you show up at the funeral, you could, indeed, be a distraction -- unless it has been so long that nobody recognizes you.
Grandchild Arrives Too Soon for Man Not Ready to Be Called 'Gramps'
DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to have no interest in grandchildren? My wife is five years older than I am and she's elated with our new grandchild. I'm only 42 and I feel I'm too young to be a "Gramps." I prefer to be free from kid activities and enjoy my adult pursuits.
I have raised children for the last 20-plus years and I think it's my stepdaughter's turn to be a parent. My wife is all gung ho to watch the grandchild anytime she's free, but I'm not interested at all.
Am I wrong for wanting my own time and space with my wife? -- TOO YOUNG FOR IT IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR TOO YOUNG: No law says you must baby-sit if you don't want to. Not everyone enjoys the company of small children. If your wife enjoys doing it, that's her privilege. However, if the baby-sitting is interfering with your marriage, then you're complaining to the wrong woman, and the two of you need to work out a compromise on which you can both agree.
DEAR ABBY: I have very long hair and I'm proud of it. I have worn my hair long ever since I was a little girl. My problem is when I go somewhere, other women come up to me and start touching it.
I understand that they like my hair because they always compliment me on it, but I hate it when strangers touch me. Apparently, people have forgotten the concept of "personal space."
How can I tell someone -- without sounding rude -- to please not touch me? Or must I just keep quiet and tolerate it with a smile? -- RAPUNZEL IN DALLAS
DEAR RAPUNZEL: Not everyone enjoys being touched, particularly by strangers. If someone reaches out to pet you, smile, step back and say, "I'd prefer you not do that." You have a right to your personal space. As long as you say it in a pleasant but firm tone, no one has the right to be offended. And if someone is, refrain from making it your problem.