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by Abigail Van Buren

Best Friend Is Ready for More Than a Simple Kiss Goodnight

DEAR ABBY: "Roger" and I have been seeing each other for two years. (We are both 50.) He is very handsome. We go to movies, ride our bikes together, work out at the gym and attend other events. He calls me every night, sends emails during the day -- even calls me when he's on a break from work.

He never asks me to pay for anything and sends me flowers on special occasions. He will kiss me goodnight, but he has never held my hand or been affectionate in any other way. People we see think we're married or seriously dating and have asked about it. He tells them we just "hang out" and that he's just a friend.

Roger says he's seeing only me, but he's on a dating website every night instant messaging younger women and talking to them for hours. I know it because one of my girlfriends is on the same site and checked it out for me.

My friend says Roger is a good companion and I should stay with it. But I'm attractive and accomplished. I think I deserve a fuller relationship with someone who is less platonic. Abby, what do you think? -- HANGING UP ON HANGING OUT

DEAR HANGING UP: Roger has made it no secret that he's comfortable with the relationship as it is and doesn't intend for it to progress. It appears the two of you are best friends. (Nowhere did you mention that you are in love with him.)

I do think that after all this time you should ask him why the relationship hasn't become sexual. The answer may be that Roger is impotent, asexual or he's just not interested in you that way. If that's OK with you, then continue what appears to be a pleasant relationship. However, if you need more -- and I think you do -- then it's time for you to move on.

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