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by Abigail Van Buren

Ex-Military Couple Can't Agree on a Continent to Call Home

DEAR ABBY: My husband recently retired from the military. We have four school-aged children. The youngest is starting kindergarten, and I would like to go back to work and finally use my college degree. My husband wants to take a job overseas, but I would likely be unable to work due to the language barrier.

I want to settle down in a location I love, doing a job I love. My husband worked hard to get this job and I hate to discourage him. I didn't realize I would feel so strongly about settling down until very recently. I don't want to move and he doesn't want to give up this job.

He suggested we live separately. Our marriage is otherwise happy, and due to the military we have had a long-distance marriage many times before, just not for as long as this would be. Should I try moving overseas? -- WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN

DEAR WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN: Yes, for the sake of your marriage, I think you should. And when you're there, explore finding a way to put the degree you worked so hard to attain to use. The experience of living in a foreign country would be good for your children, and you might enjoy the adventure yourself. If that's not the case, you can always return to the U.S. and see if a bi-continental marriage works for you.