DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman, twice married. My first marriage was to a woman who hurt me deeply by lying and cheating. I am now married to a man who, even with his faults, is a wonderful husband.
My thing is, I am still strongly attracted to women. I consider myself to be bisexual. When my husband notices that I look at women, I'm honest and tell him what I admire about a particular woman. What I leave out is that I'm turned on by them. He is not open to my actively being bisexual, not even a threesome.
Is it all right for me to fantasize when I'm intimate with him that he's a woman? I know some people fantasize about being with a celebrity or a more attractive mate, but is it all right to fantasize about someone of a different gender? -- FANTASIZING IN NEW YORK
DEAR FANTASIZING: Your bisexuality is part of who you are. You should make clear to your husband that there is nothing "wrong" with being bisexual, and people who are can be and are monogamous. A commitment is a commitment, and you are sticking to yours.
Sexual fantasies are normal. And you're right that many people besides yourself fantasize about others (of both sexes) during sex. Because you don't act on your fantasies, relax and enjoy them, and stop flogging yourself.