THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
The question now that really vexes
Is where we're gonna place our "X"es.
Voting, folks, should not upset ya --
Be glad we're livin' where they let ya.
XO, ABBY
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
The question now that really vexes
Is where we're gonna place our "X"es.
Voting, folks, should not upset ya --
Be glad we're livin' where they let ya.
XO, ABBY
DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to drop off a 1- and a 5-year-old at a senior assisted-living center for their great-grandmother to baby-sit in her room? My niece does this weekly, claiming she's giving my mother "quality time" with her great-grandchildren.
My mother is in the assisted-living center due to issues my dad is encountering. She's very independent and, of course, wants to help any of her family whenever she can. But Mom has an autoimmune disease that flares up with stress or when she gets tired. I'm concerned about her health and feel my niece is taking advantage of her. Of course, my sister sides with her daughter. They have told me to butt out.
I don't want to confront the management of the facility because I want Mom to feel as independent as possible there. I don't want them to not allow her to do something she really wants to do. I have safety concerns, though, and feel this is not right. What do you think? -- TORN IN TEXAS
DEAR TORN: I'm not sure what your safety concerns are, but if you think the assisted-living center could be legally liable, you should address them to the manager.
As to the baby-sitting being too stressful or tiring for your mother, leave it up to her to decide if it's too much. Some seniors find that feeling needed keeps them young. The way to gauge any negative impact on your mother's health would be if it causes a flare-up of her condition -- at which point her doctor should be notified so he/she can put a stop to it.
DEAR ABBY: Are parents of the bride required to foot the cost of the wedding (averaging over $25,000 in the U.S. nowadays) anymore? I understand they were years ago, when it was a part of her dowry, but in modern times I have heard of such a thing only in your column -- unless the family is rich and Daddy pays for everything.
I can't imagine asking my parents to pay for my wedding. My fiance and I are aiming for -- dress included -- $1,000 or less. Are parents actually expected to spend thousands on their daughter's wedding? It's their daughter and son-in-law who want it. -- JUST ASKING IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
DEAR JUST ASKING: No. A wedding is a gift, and while it would be generous for the parents to pitch in, there is no requirement that they do so.
DEAR ABBY: It has been two years, and I haven't been able to get over my first love. I just graduated from high school and I'll soon be 18, but I still can't get used to the idea that he's gone. When we broke up, he made me feel like dirt.
We had been a couple since my freshman year, and he dumped me at the beginning of my junior year because I didn't want to give him my virginity. Later I discovered he had been cheating on me with my best friend. Please help. -- CAN'T MOVE ON
DEAR CAN'T MOVE ON: Why did you allow him to make you feel like "dirt"? Be glad you didn't have sex with him. If you HAD, he would probably have cheated on you anyway.
You have your whole life ahead of you. Please don't waste one more second of it looking over your shoulder and pining for someone who would punish you for hanging onto your values. You did the right thing, and you should have no regrets.
DEAR ABBY: I have a 7-year-old son who seems to be growing up faster than I would like at times. With today's music, video games, TV and movies, there are some things regarding sex I can't prevent him from seeing or learning if I haven't screened the contents.
I realize my son knows more than I would like for a child his age to know. Because of this, my husband thinks it's time to have the "birds and the bees" talk. I'm not ready to have that talk, and I don't believe my son is at an age to have this talk, either.
My husband is a psych major who never fails to remind me how knowledgeable he thinks he is as he tries to convince me that our son is ready. I know that one day my son will be curious about his body, but is now that time? Am I wrong in thinking he's too young? -- NOT READY IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR NOT READY: I don't know your son, how much adult material he has been exposed to or how mature he is for his age. But I believe the "birds and bees" talk should be an ongoing dialogue rather than one speech.
Children should know the correct terms for their body parts, and what "private" means so they can communicate effectively. I don't think it's harmful for children to know where puppies, kittens and baby birds come from. In another conversation, they should know what "pregnant" means.
Your son should also know that if he has ANY questions, he can come to you and his father and get straight answers. The question, "How does the baby get there?" will probably come in another year or two. And when it is asked, he should be answered in a straightforward manner.
DEAR ABBY: After 19 years of marriage, my mother divorced my father to be with my stepfather. They have been together for 40 years now. The problem is, Mom can't go more than three days without talking about my father or his family. It's like my stepsiblings grew up with a "ghost" stepdad because of the constant stories.
I have tried dropping subtle hints to my mother, such as, "That was 48 years ago. Why are you still holding onto that?" Nothing stops her. She even talks about him to people she's just met. How can I get her to let go of the man SHE left, and understand that this must be an ongoing jab to her current husband's self-esteem? -- EMBARRASSED FOR MY STEPDAD
DEAR EMBARRASSED: That your mother feels compelled to do this even with strangers is peculiar, but neither you nor I can change her behavior. Unless you know for a fact that your stepfather has asked her not to do it, do not be embarrassed for him. His self-esteem may be strong enough that what she's saying doesn't bother him. Frankly, what she's doing is far more a reflection on her than upon him.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old man. When I was in high school, I couldn't get a date. I'm not unattractive, and I wasn't even back then. But I was somewhat of a social outcast.
In recent years I have reconnected with several people I went to school with, and returned to my hometown for a short visit to show my kids where I grew up. Abby, I was overwhelmed with attention from women who wouldn't give me the time of day 25 years ago. I admit I like the change, but I'm uncomfortable that there has been such a dramatic shift in their view of me.
I'm not rich. I have a stable job, but haven't done much with my life other than leave the small rural town I was raised in. Now I am constantly contacted by women who used to never look in my direction, asking me if it's possible to become romantically involved.
Is this a case of the one that got away? Or is it a case of the grass is greener somewhere else, and I found a way to jump the fence? -- CONFOUNDED IN ALABAMA
DEAR CONFOUNDED: Perhaps neither. As people mature, their values usually mature along with them. Or, like fine wine, you may have improved with age.
DEAR ABBY: Would you kindly inform your readers that there is nothing wrong with being the first person to go through a buffet line or be seated at the dinner table when dinner is called?
A hostess (or host) works hard to prepare a meal in a timely manner, and it seems impolite, almost rude, for guests to shuffle around waiting for someone else to go first. I'm pretty sure the hosts don't want to see their perfectly good meal sit on the table getting cold. There is no reward for going last, because the only thing that results from it is a frustrated host or hostess. -- EARLY BIRD IN OHIO
DEAR EARLY BIRD: At a dinner party in a private home, it is rude to ignore a host's request to be seated. For anyone who doesn't want to be the first at a buffet, the solution would be to say to your companions, "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. How about us getting in line?" It's better than having them listen to your stomach growl. But watch out for the stampede.