DEAR READERS: It's time for my annual reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday -- so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour before bedtime.
Living With a 4-Year-Old Gives Man Cause to Pause
DEAR ABBY: At 26, I am about to move in with my girlfriend, "Candace." I love her so much, and I'm confident she's the one I want to marry. Candace has her 4-year-old daughter, "Michelle," with her most of the time we are together.
I'm confident that moving in together is the right decision, but living with Michelle makes me nervous. Although Michelle is smart and well-behaved, like most kids, she can be bratty and demand a lot of attention from Candace and me.
Candace has the utmost patience with Michelle, and I trust her ability as a parent. What I'm worried about is my own level of patience. I don't want kids anytime soon, and I get annoyed with Michelle a little too easily. What steps can I take to assure longevity in this relationship? -- YOUNG STEPPARENT
DEAR YOUNG STEPPARENT: Feeling as you do, I am not at all sure you should move in together. I'm surprised that a man who doesn't want kids anytime soon is so eager to enter into a living situation where that very thing is guaranteed. Before changing your living arrangements, consider signing up for parenting classes. They may not only give you insight into what to expect, but also how to handle situations that may arise.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and I have read your column for quite some time. I enjoy it and like to share and discuss some of the letters with my friends.
While I don't always agree with your answers, I always learn something new. I feel that this is the point of me reading your column. I do, however, have a problem with a teacher who feels I should not be reading "adult material" in the paper, and should concentrate on more "age appropriate" things.
Would you please give me advice on what to do or say to my teacher to make her understand this is not inappropriate material for a kid my age to be reading? I would really appreciate it, and I'll do whatever you say. -- WAYNE IN NEW YORK
DEAR WAYNE: My column has a readership that spans all ages. I know that because I receive letters from individuals from 9 to 90.
Your parents should decide what reading material is appropriate for you -- not your teacher, as well-meaning as she may be. When I was growing up, no literature in our home was off limits to me or my brother, and any questions we asked received straightforward answers. I hope it's the same for you, because children learn their family's values through frank and open communication.
Secret Marriage Threatens to Tear Thai Family Apart
DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, a young Thai adult, is socially immature. Her mother and I are American citizens, and we recently brought her to the U.S. on a tourist visa to expose her to Western culture. While she was there, a suitor -- who is nearly 40, divorced, with two small kids -- manipulated her. After she returned to Thailand, she continued communicating with him on Facebook.
The guy flew to Thailand, secretly married her and left the country. He is now in the process of acquiring a spousal immigration visa, and we are desperately afraid of losing our daughter. We're not convinced that she's in love with him. We think she's just trying to escape her Tiger Mom, who insists on Thai culture, respect and adherence to family values.
We are considering appealing to the government requesting denial of the visa request. Your take? -- CONCERNED DAD IN THAILAND
DEAR CONCERNED DAD: What this man did is reprehensible. Because you don't know him, one has to wonder if anything he told your daughter about himself is true -- including his age, marital status and whether he is a parent.
Since you didn't mention your daughter's age or if she is old enough to consent to marriage, consulting a lawyer to help you navigate through government channels would be a good place to start. You have my sympathy, and I wish you luck.
Boy's Threats of Suicide Are More Than Girl Can Deal With Alone
DEAR ABBY: I've been with "Derek" for two months. We're both 14, and had an on-and-off friendship before it started.
Derek has a history of mental illness (including depression and anxiety). Lately, he has started talking about things like college plans and even marriage. He flatters me nonstop and says repeatedly how "perfect" and "goddess-like" I am, completely degrading himself in the process. He says he is "weak, stupid and ugly" compared to me.
I'm afraid to dump him because Derek has attempted suicide several times in the past and has hinted at doing it again if I do. I can't say the words to him with that hanging over me.
His parents are unreachable, and he's already on medication. Derek has refused counseling in the past. I'm really afraid, but I can't stand staying in this relationship much longer. Thoughts? - AFRAID IN OREGON
DEAR AFRAID: If you haven't spoken to your parents about Derek and his emotional blackmail, do it immediately. You are not responsible for his welfare -- his family is. Derek appears to be in need of more professional help than he is receiving. Encourage him to think about positive things like college, but tell him you are too young for any kind of permanent exclusive relationship. Period. Once your parents know what's going on, I'm sure they will back you up 100 percent.
DEAR ABBY: What exactly should one be doing while being serenaded with the birthday song? -- LAUREN, THE BIRTHDAY GIRL
DEAR LAUREN: SMILE!
Change in the Weather Signals Time to Change Alarm Batteries
DEAR ABBY: Fall is here and as we prepare for a change in the weather, it's also the time we turn our clocks back an hour from daylight saving time. Something that everyone also needs to change could save their lives. That "something" is the battery inside household devices that many take for granted -- smoke alarms, smoke detectors or carbon monoxide detectors.
In the U.S., three out of five home fire deaths are caused by fires in homes with no smoke alarms or WORKING smoke alarms. As a firefighter, I have seen these tragedies firsthand and believe it is my duty to make sure we lower this number. My mission is for no battery to go unchecked.
For the 29th consecutive year, Energizer and the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC) are partnering to educate the public about fire safety by reminding consumers of the importance of checking and changing the batteries not only in smoke alarms, but also every device that helps keep us safe and relaxed in our homes.
Think about your smart thermostats, flashlights, home security systems and other critical devices. Many of them have a battery component that must be checked and changed in order to ensure home safety.
I cannot stress enough the importance of setting aside the few minutes it takes to ensure these devices are working. The IAFC also recommends replacing smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors every 10 years. Use the end of daylight saving time as a reminder to prioritize the safety of your home. This simple task protects your home and the people you cherish the most. -- FIRE CHIEF JOHN D. SINCLAIR, IAFC PRESIDENT AND CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
DEAR CHIEF SINCLAIR: Thank you for the "timely" reminder to my readers. I urge all of them to learn more about the Change Your Clock, Change Your Batteries program by visiting energizer.com/homesafety.
And buy your replacement batteries now, so you can install them on Nov. 6 when you turn your clocks back.
Woman Dating 'Great Guy' Is Still Sleeping With Her Ex
DEAR ABBY: I am dating a great guy I have known for 10 years. We dated on and off, but always remained friends. We were friends during my marriage, the birth of my daughter and my divorce.
We are now dating again. I would like things to work out because he is such a great friend and great person. My 9-year-old daughter adores him, too. The problem is, I'm still having a sexual relationship with my ex-husband. The sex is great and I don't want to stop, but I'm afraid it will come back to haunt me.
I have been involved one way or another with both of these men since 2005. I'd like to just date the guy I am with, but our sex life isn't nearly as good as it is with my ex. I know I'm being selfish. What should I do? -- DIVIDED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DIVIDED: You may be divorced, but you are not free as long as you're having sex with your ex. Be as good a friend to the "great guy" as he has been to you and let him go so he can find a lady who values what he has to offer. Right now what you are doing is extremely unfair to him.