DEAR ABBY: What exactly should one be doing while being serenaded with the birthday song? -- LAUREN, THE BIRTHDAY GIRL
DEAR LAUREN: SMILE!
DEAR ABBY: What exactly should one be doing while being serenaded with the birthday song? -- LAUREN, THE BIRTHDAY GIRL
DEAR LAUREN: SMILE!
DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, a young Thai adult, is socially immature. Her mother and I are American citizens, and we recently brought her to the U.S. on a tourist visa to expose her to Western culture. While she was there, a suitor -- who is nearly 40, divorced, with two small kids -- manipulated her. After she returned to Thailand, she continued communicating with him on Facebook.
The guy flew to Thailand, secretly married her and left the country. He is now in the process of acquiring a spousal immigration visa, and we are desperately afraid of losing our daughter. We're not convinced that she's in love with him. We think she's just trying to escape her Tiger Mom, who insists on Thai culture, respect and adherence to family values.
We are considering appealing to the government requesting denial of the visa request. Your take? -- CONCERNED DAD IN THAILAND
DEAR CONCERNED DAD: What this man did is reprehensible. Because you don't know him, one has to wonder if anything he told your daughter about himself is true -- including his age, marital status and whether he is a parent.
Since you didn't mention your daughter's age or if she is old enough to consent to marriage, consulting a lawyer to help you navigate through government channels would be a good place to start. You have my sympathy, and I wish you luck.
DEAR ABBY: I've been with "Derek" for two months. We're both 14, and had an on-and-off friendship before it started.
Derek has a history of mental illness (including depression and anxiety). Lately, he has started talking about things like college plans and even marriage. He flatters me nonstop and says repeatedly how "perfect" and "goddess-like" I am, completely degrading himself in the process. He says he is "weak, stupid and ugly" compared to me.
I'm afraid to dump him because Derek has attempted suicide several times in the past and has hinted at doing it again if I do. I can't say the words to him with that hanging over me.
His parents are unreachable, and he's already on medication. Derek has refused counseling in the past. I'm really afraid, but I can't stand staying in this relationship much longer. Thoughts? - AFRAID IN OREGON
DEAR AFRAID: If you haven't spoken to your parents about Derek and his emotional blackmail, do it immediately. You are not responsible for his welfare -- his family is. Derek appears to be in need of more professional help than he is receiving. Encourage him to think about positive things like college, but tell him you are too young for any kind of permanent exclusive relationship. Period. Once your parents know what's going on, I'm sure they will back you up 100 percent.
DEAR ABBY: Fall is here and as we prepare for a change in the weather, it's also the time we turn our clocks back an hour from daylight saving time. Something that everyone also needs to change could save their lives. That "something" is the battery inside household devices that many take for granted -- smoke alarms, smoke detectors or carbon monoxide detectors.
In the U.S., three out of five home fire deaths are caused by fires in homes with no smoke alarms or WORKING smoke alarms. As a firefighter, I have seen these tragedies firsthand and believe it is my duty to make sure we lower this number. My mission is for no battery to go unchecked.
For the 29th consecutive year, Energizer and the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC) are partnering to educate the public about fire safety by reminding consumers of the importance of checking and changing the batteries not only in smoke alarms, but also every device that helps keep us safe and relaxed in our homes.
Think about your smart thermostats, flashlights, home security systems and other critical devices. Many of them have a battery component that must be checked and changed in order to ensure home safety.
I cannot stress enough the importance of setting aside the few minutes it takes to ensure these devices are working. The IAFC also recommends replacing smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors every 10 years. Use the end of daylight saving time as a reminder to prioritize the safety of your home. This simple task protects your home and the people you cherish the most. -- FIRE CHIEF JOHN D. SINCLAIR, IAFC PRESIDENT AND CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
DEAR CHIEF SINCLAIR: Thank you for the "timely" reminder to my readers. I urge all of them to learn more about the Change Your Clock, Change Your Batteries program by visiting energizer.com/homesafety.
And buy your replacement batteries now, so you can install them on Nov. 6 when you turn your clocks back.
DEAR ABBY: I am dating a great guy I have known for 10 years. We dated on and off, but always remained friends. We were friends during my marriage, the birth of my daughter and my divorce.
We are now dating again. I would like things to work out because he is such a great friend and great person. My 9-year-old daughter adores him, too. The problem is, I'm still having a sexual relationship with my ex-husband. The sex is great and I don't want to stop, but I'm afraid it will come back to haunt me.
I have been involved one way or another with both of these men since 2005. I'd like to just date the guy I am with, but our sex life isn't nearly as good as it is with my ex. I know I'm being selfish. What should I do? -- DIVIDED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DIVIDED: You may be divorced, but you are not free as long as you're having sex with your ex. Be as good a friend to the "great guy" as he has been to you and let him go so he can find a lady who values what he has to offer. Right now what you are doing is extremely unfair to him.
DEAR ABBY: I went to the market the other day, and there was a woman sitting on the sidewalk with two children -- a boy who looked to be about 6 and a girl about 2. She was holding a sign asking for help ($). I wanted so badly to say something to her about what a poor example she was setting for her children by begging. It made me angry because I imagine she's using her kids as "props" to evoke sympathy.
This is a nice area. I would think she could better present herself to her kids by looking for a job! What would have been an appropriate comment to make to her that might help put her on the right track to show her kids how to grow up to be responsible people who work for a living? -- LOOKING OUT FOR CHILDREN IN IRVINE, CALIF.
DEAR LOOKING: It's wrong to assume anything when you see someone who is panhandling. The woman you saw could have been homeless, drug-addicted, short on money or mentally ill. She could also have fled an abusive husband or partner. That's why it's inappropriate to scold or lecture a panhandler.
If you had said anything at all, you might have offered that there are dozens of shelters and organizations in Irvine that help the unfortunate, and if she reached out to them, she might find the help she needs to get settled and find a job.
DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old grandson, "Joey," is the light of my life. He's outgoing, compassionate, smart and fun. The "problem" is, he prefers girl things to boy things, and has since he was old enough to express his wants. Fashion, makeup, hairstyles -- he is the expert. His parents grumble, but realize that he can be who he is and be happy, or they can try to change him and he will turn out to be neurotic.
The issue is with the father of a friend of his who will not accept who Joey is. The man yells at Joey for playing with girl things and tells his son to tell on Joey when he does girl things.
Abby, this man is the principal of a middle school. As a retired educator, I want to speak with him about his behavior and the effect it can have on a young child. What could I say that might make him realize that this is not only detrimental to Joey, but to all those young minds he helps to shape on a daily basis? -- LIGHT OF MY LIFE
DEAR LIGHT: Joey's parents should talk to that man and demand that he stop bullying their son. They should warn him that if he scapegoats a child at his school that way, he could wind up in front of the school board and lose his job. He's not only discriminating, but also encouraging the scapegoating of at-risk children. And, I'm sad to say, Joey's parents should probably curtail their son's friendship with the man's son.
DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker, "Suzette," who, since last month, has begun to smell like kitty litter every day. Suzette is in her mid-50s. While I consider her a friend, she can be temperamental and tends to fly off the handle and run to HR.
I would like to tell her about the odor in case it is something medical that's undiagnosed. Is there a way to say something that won't embarrass her or get me in trouble with HR? -- DELICATE NOSE
DEAR DELICATE: The way to handle this would be to inform HR and let someone there discuss it with her.