DEAR ABBY: How do you get a man to help you financially? -- ANONY-MISS IN BEVERLY HILLS
DEAR ANONY-MISS: Tell him you need his help and hope he's the type who likes rescuing women.
DEAR ABBY: How do you get a man to help you financially? -- ANONY-MISS IN BEVERLY HILLS
DEAR ANONY-MISS: Tell him you need his help and hope he's the type who likes rescuing women.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are mature adults who enjoy photography. He brings his camera when we go to the beach or sporting events -- even to the store. He's learning all the time about how to use light correctly and his zoom lens.
When we get back and I download the pics from his camera, the majority of shots are of women's chests, behinds and pretty faces. He has snapped many of them while they were standing right next to me. (There are very few shots of me -- ever.)
When I ask if he wants me to delete the photos, he says no. I don't understand why he would keep pictures of strangers. He says he's like any photographer -- he likes to review his photos. I tell him it hurts my feelings to think he enjoys looking at other women more than at me. It would be different if they were beautiful portraits, but they're not. It is painful that I'm not included. Am I wrong to feel unimportant and ignored? -- OUT OF THE PICTURE
DEAR OUT: You are entitled to your feelings, and they may be justified. Because you identify this man as your boyfriend, I assume you have an exclusive relationship. There will always be women around who are younger and prettier. That's life. Because you can't control his taste in subjects, my advice is to quit downloading his pictures for him if they make you uncomfortable.
DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have a loving relationship. He is affectionate -- hugging, kissing, etc. But he doesn't have a high libido, which I am concerned about because he's only 26.
He has confessed to me he's had relations with men in the past, and I'm thinking he may be bisexual. While that does not concern me whatsoever (after all, it's one thing to be attracted to someone and another thing entirely to cheat), I worry that he thinks he couldn't share this with me, and that it may lead to lies. I am also worried that if I confront him with this, he may be offended or think I think less of him. What should I do? -- LOVING RELATIONSHIP IN MICHIGAN
DEAR LOVING: You and your fiance are overdue for a frank talk. He has told you that he has had more than one same-sex relationship, so it's fair to consider him to be bisexual. That he didn't use that word doesn't mean he was dishonest. We communicate with our actions as well as verbally.
That you have continued your relationship after learning about his sexual history should indicate to him that you don't think less of him. As to the strength of his libido, no two individuals are alike. If he is able to provide you with what you need, I don't think you need to be concerned. If not -- as I said before, you have to talk with him about it.
DEAR ABBY: I moved to a new state two years ago, mostly because I had a friend who lived here part-time. I have distanced myself from many of the people she has introduced me to because they all talk about each other behind their backs. They also don't work many hours and start drinking very early in the day.
The other night I had my friend and her husband over for dinner with my boyfriend and me. For most of the night she was on the phone Facebooking and texting pictures of my dinner table to people I don't bother with. There was absolutely no conversation between the two of us that night. When I said something about her being on the phone, her answer was that she was answering her Facebook messages. I found it extremely rude.
Because I have distanced myself from others around here, I'm not sure if I should say anything to her because if I do, it will mean I won't have any friends around at all. What do you think? -- AFTERTHOUGHT IN FLORIDA
DEAR AFTERTHOUGHT: Birds of a feather flock together. You made a huge mistake in giving up your old life to follow this "friend," who appears to not only lack basic manners, but also to be indifferent to your feelings. It's time to either start making new friends with people who think and act more like you do, or return where you came from so you can be with folks with whom you have more in common.
DEAR ABBY: I am a happily divorced mother of two and have a wonderful life. I have a great relationship with my ex. He's a wonderful father, and I'm grateful for that. We never fight and I always try to keep the peace.
He is remarried to a lovely woman and has another child with her, an adorable little boy. I consider him to be my children's brother and make sure to buy him birthday and holiday gifts. I ask my children which milestones he has conquered and Facetime with him, too.
I'm writing because my grandmother, whom I love dearly, thinks I am not being nice and that I should go inside when I pick up my children and visit with the baby. She constantly asks me what my ex and his wife are doing. I always tell her I have no idea, and that it's not my business.
I respect and want boundaries. I want to raise our children together and see them at our children's events, birthdays, etc. How can I get my grandma to understand that I'm in a good place and glad that my ex is, too? I'm not interested in knowing where he is every second. Grandma is a very tough, strong, wonderful lady who loves your column. -- MOVED ON IN THE SOUTH
DEAR MOVED ON: You seem like a healthy, well-adjusted woman. Point out to your grandmother that the good relationship you enjoy with your ex and his wife is based on the fact that you don't ask questions or meddle in their lives. Suggest that if Grandma wants to know how they are and what they're doing that she pick up a phone and ask them herself. That way, the person they will avoid will be her and not you. Repeat that message as needed.
DEAR ABBY: My 72-year-old husband believes that not voting in the upcoming presidential election is making a statement because he can't tolerate any of the candidates. He believes that not voting is telling the political parties to offer more acceptable candidates.
I believe that not voting makes no statement at all because many of those who don't vote really don't care, and that is the message that is received. Voting is a right that should be exercised. To vote is to make a statement. Do you think he is making his feelings known by not voting? -- NOT VOTING IN THE WEST
DEAR NOT VOTING: No, I do not. Your husband seems to have forgotten how fortunate we are to live in a country where people can vote. In many countries, that's not the case. The most important thing citizens can do is to educate themselves about the candidates and the issues and then cast their ballot. The higher the turnout, the more reflective the outcome is of the wishes of the people.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Fred," and I have been together for 10 years, during five of which we have been engaged, although there has been no talk of actually setting a date. That doesn't bother me because I am very unhappy in our relationship now.
Fred hasn't worked in three years. I have been supporting him all this time and I'm losing my mind. I am doing everything I can, and I'm beyond stressed. I can't talk to him about it because he doesn't want to talk. I send out his resume, and he doesn't return any calls to the places that call him.
I am 32 and feel like I am in a rut. What should I do? -- IN A RUT IN ILLINOIS
DEAR IN A RUT: Why are you sending out his resume? By now it should be clear to you that Fred has no intention of getting a job. Why should he? He has a good deal the way things are.
Engagements usually involve setting a wedding date. Because the two of you haven't, and you are unhappy in your relationship, break off the non-engagement! Cut your losses by investing no more time (or money) in your deadbeat boyfriend and set yourself free.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 10 years old and in fifth grade. I was in science class when my friend cheated off of me. I could confront her, but if I do I risk losing her as a friend. She has done some rude things to me in the past, and I don't know what to do. -- CONFUSED IN CASTAIC, CALIF.
DEAR CONFUSED: Real friends don't do rude things to each other. Now that you know your "friend" will copy your work, make sure not to sit next to her when tests are given. Unless you do, your teacher may think that because your answers are the same that YOU are the cheater, and you'll be in real trouble.
If you can't change seats because they are assigned, you will have to be extra-careful about keeping your test paper out of her line of sight.