DEAR ABBY: My ex sent our children letters from prison. I didn't give them the letters because he was abusive. In one of them he asked our daughter to forgive him and not punish him forever. Abby, her father had abused her, and he's asking for her to stop punishing him? She was going to kill herself because of what he did to her.
My daughter went through several years of intense counseling and still battles depression, so there is no way I'll permit him to have contact with her or my other children. I have had no contact with him since we split up several years ago. My lawyer mailed the divorce papers and that was that. Should I write him a letter and tell him what I think? -- NOWHERE IN TEXAS
DEAR NOWHERE: No, your lawyer should. One of the hallmarks of abusers is that they tend to blame their victims for their actions. The statement in your ex's letter accusing your daughter of "punishing him" with her silence is troubling. She's under no obligation to forgive her abuser.
When he is finally released from prison, one of the conditions may be that he must have no contact with minors. And if by then your children are no longer minors, one can only hope that they have become mature enough to protect themselves emotionally -- and physically, if necessary -- from their father.