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by Abigail Van Buren

Wedding Focus On The Bride Is Holdover From Bygone Era

DEAR ABBY: I am annoyed by how sexist the conversation is in regard to weddings. It is always her day, her wedding, all about her. It's like the groom is just a check in the box. Nearly everyone forgets that this is one of the most important events in the groom's life, too, and he has an equal investment in the event.

As for our own wedding, there were no brides involved -- just us two grooms, our minister friend who officiated, plus all our friends and family who celebrated with us. Both of us were involved in the planning and execution of our wedding from beginning to end, and the entire process was so meaningful to us. Now I feel bad for our straight male friends whose involvement in their own weddings gets completely discounted.

Please stay vigilant, Abby. Remind people that it is their day, their wedding, and all about them. -- EQUAL OPPORTUNITY IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR EQUAL OPPORTUNITY: Your point is well taken. However, in generations past, traditionally the bride's parents paid for the wedding. The groom had little to do with the planning -- and few, if any, of them objected to it or wanted more responsibility. Today, because couples marry later and brides often have incomes of their own, it is far more common for couples to pay for their weddings and plan them together.

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