DEAR ABBY: I recently phoned one of my mother's best friends, "Edna," to wish her a happy birthday. It was her 101st. When I asked her about her family, she spent some time sobbing over the recent news that her eldest son has cancer.
My first thought -- and that of several others -- was, why was she told?! Edna is frail and in poor health. She has seen her share of tragedies and losses in her long life, and I think she should have been spared this devastating news.
Hearing her sob on her birthday broke my heart. However, a couple of my friends disagreed with me. They thought she ought to know. Your thoughts on this would be appreciated. -- WONDERING IN THE WEST
DEAR WONDERING: There are no hard-and-fast rules that apply to these situations. Although Edna may no longer be able to live independently, her thinking may be clear and she is still the matriarch of the family. When you withhold information from someone, even if it's well-intentioned, it isolates the person. Because the conversation upset you to such an extent that you felt you had to write to me, my thought is you should let Edna's children know what happened.